Slave to the alarm clock

So I woke up this morning to my radio as per usual but it felt strange. It felt like I hadn't really slept long. Plus, the morning show that I normally wake to was not on. And it seemed a lot darker than normal. I turned on my light anyway and grabbed my watch. My watch said it was 2:30. 2:30?!!? Wha? Had I left it on stopwatch? Why is it that my last though was the logical and correct one--the power had gone off. When it came back on, it made my stereo and TV come on. Bizzare, I know. Possible poltergeist activity. I think I should stay away from the TV for a while. Anyway, the fortunate part of all of this is that at least I didn't sleepwalk into the shower before discovering that I still had three hours of sleep to capitalize on.

I am taking Friday off. Oh no! Will she be grumpy and miserable?! NO! Not this time. I have appointments to attend and possibly a party to plan.

Jillian puts her rose ceremony on hold for a bit

"How's it going, Jill?" someone asked me today while we were waiting for the elevator.

"Good, thanks."

"Good! So have you got anyone new yet in your life?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, not yet."

"Oh, you'll find someone soon," she said. It was the second person to say that to me in the span of two hours. I was almost apprehensive as the elevator doors parted (it turned out to be empty).

"What about that guy in HR?" she asked me. I told her I knew of no men in HR.

"I'll look into it for you!" she called out after me as I made my way out to the gardens.

Later, Irene, who has dubbed herself my Yenta of Love, came by to tell me that the guy she had picked out for me probably wasn't going to work out. He possibly had a girlfriend and her husband disapproved of the setup, calling the guy his friend, but also a bit of a player.

I smiled at this. "That's okay. No worries," I said.

Tonight Judy was back in town and so I got together at her place with Cindy. There was red wine again and I had flashbacks to the last time we got into the wine at her place. Yikes.

"I have this guy for you," Cindy said to me. "He works for Manitoba Hydro and he did my home evaluation. I don't know if he's single yet, but he was very friendly and personable in a non-flirty way. He has to come back to finish the evaluation so I'll ask him."

Again, I laughed. "There's a cute guy who's on my bus sometimes and he works for Hydro."

"Wouldn't that be funny if it was the same guy? You should ask him his name. People don't approach other people enough."

I just smiled and shrugged and took a sip of my Australian malbec.

Then Judy started. "There's these two tow plane guys in Gimli, I didn't think they were single at first, but now I'm not so sure. I'll investigate."

After Cindy left Judy and I watched TV. She wanted to watch The Bachelorette since A) she hasn't seen TV in weeks, and B) it was the last episode. I have never followed the program but given that Judy was starving for some comfort TV, I didn't mind.

We flipped between that and Myth Busters where they tried, and succeeded, at floating a lead balloon. On the Bachelorette, quirky and cute Canadian Jillian was choosing between Kiptyn and Ed. *SPOILER ALERT!* I was cheering for Kiptyn, but Jill picked Ed instead. I wanted to throw my socks at the TV. Kiptyn was cuter and Ed had already left her once for work reasons. However, they did seem quite enamoured with one another so yay them.

Judy has this awesome white, bubble-knit linen blanket that I was cozied up with on the couch. There was a breeze coming in from the front windows and the sun was about half an hour from setting.

It's been a while since I've felt like this. I've struggled so much to get back to this place, this comfort. In the last I don't know how many years I've always had some kind of boy project lined up. I've always had someone in my back pocket to at least dream about. Right now, I've got nothing. Nadda. My dream is faceless. I know my friends all mean well with trying to line someone up for me right now, but I feel pretty good right here with just me. They keep telling me soon but I don't know what that means and I'm really not even concerned. I know you probably doubt me on that. I wonder too if it's just a temporary feeling. However, I've got some other things I want to focus on right now that I know would be impossible with the distraction of a guy. I guess I finally want what I've been given, and that's a peaceful easy feeling.

'Cause I've got a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won't let me down
'Cause I'm already standing on the ground

--The Eagles, Peaceful Easy Feeling

There goes my hero

I had a gut feeling last night. I ignored it and called it paranoia. But today I managed to save myself from doing something I would have regretted later.

I saved myself. Tonight, I was my own hero. That feels kind of cool and reassuring.

Maybe it's partly too because I drank a fish bowl of wine tonight, but I feel very very good about things right now.

A beautiful laugh

Yes, I am back at work and I am happy. I know, I totally have a screw loose. Sunday was actually my favourite day of my vacation. I did almost nothing and then I had a really good sleep that night. I felt relaxed. Oddly enough, that may have been because I knew I was going back to my comfort zone of routine and guaranteed social interaction. Hey, at least I do enjoy the company of my co-workers.

Before I left for vacay I locked myself out of one of our internal websites because I failed to guess my correct password in three tries. Today I called the Help Desk for the password reset.

The woman on the other end asked me for my login ID, computer bar code, blah blah.

"Sorry, what is your login ID again?"

"****" I said. "Or, ******. One of those. It's been a while since I've signed in, I can't quite remember now."

The woman was obviously trying to stifle a laugh. I couldn't quite understand what was so amusing.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just when I type in that ID name, the user name Beautiful Girl comes up."

She couldn't see me blush before I explained, "Oh, yeah, when I discovered that you could give yourself your own name, I picked that so that when the page opened up it would say, Welcome, Beautiful Girl."

"Aw, that's great," she said and with another laugh added, "That made my day."

So there you go. A beautiful girl made someone's day, and that beautiful girl was me. Now, why couldn't this have been one of those days when I get that cute sounding tech support guy on the phone, huh?

Where love grows

The wedding wasn't so bad. Or at least, the good times out-shone the longer moments.

The bride was beautiful. I remember her dreaming of her wedding, her house, her kids when we were in high school. The pictured groom at the time was a different guy, and ironically I believe he too is getting married this year.

I never had those kind of dreams. I just wanted to finish high school, get through university and get out to the working world. I kind of assumed a guy would work his way into the mix along the way, but that never actually happened.

When I found out that my old high school best friend was going to be joining us for the ride out to the wedding, I got uncomfortable. We were almost inseparable in grade 11 and 12. She was an amazing friend to have. But we grew apart after graduation. She had boyfriends and other priorities. She worked wonky hours at Walmart. I remember talking on the phone with her one night and we both had big news. She told me hers first--she was engaged. She had only been dating the guy for three months and they were engaged to be married. My news suddenly felt very lame. I had landed a job, the Agency job that was a dream come true for me. I don't know why but her news just seemed much more exciting. At the time I also saw it as a painful reminder that she was way ahead of me in the game. She was a 24-year-old woman getting married and I felt like 13-year-old with a paper-route and a training bra.

From Monica's Wedding

Vince picked me up first. He had his dad's Mercedes. We then picked up Rob and High School BFF (HSBFF) at Rob's place so they sat in the back together. Rob chatted with her but I didn't say much. It was hard for me to feel comfortable around her still. I was in her wedding party, I was kind of the unofficial maid-of-honor (her sister got the title while I got the duties) but after that we didn't hang out anymore. We were in different places so it was understandable, but I think it still really hurt me to lose someone I had been so close to. So when I'm faced with people like that again I tend to be withdrawn and quiet. I put on my thick skin. It's kind of my way of saying, please, don't care about me. I can't bear the thought of getting close to you again. I'm not proud of it, but I understand it so that's half the battle.

In the church HSBFF and I wound up sitting beside each other in the pews. We started talking, her more than me of course. She asked me about work and I explained the position and circumstances I was in. I learned that she was still working at Walmart but she and her husband had a business together they will probably sell in the next year or so and then she will start planning to have a baby.

"Have you read the Twilight series?" she asked me.

"No, I saw the movie though."

"The books are way better," she said.

"Yeah, I figured."

"I read them last summer on the beach and I thought of you. They seemed like something you would enjoy."

She had thought of me. Huh. That was really nice of her. And weird. It always strikes me when I hear someone say something about me that I didn't think was that obvious. Like when Lisa one day told someone, "Jill doesn't like to do things she's not good at," which is sort of true and sort of not. I get frustrated when I don't have a natural talent for something so either I want to spend time by myself practicing until I feel good enough to perform in front of other people, or I just give up and say it's not my thing. But anyway, I didn't think this was something obvious to someone else. It both touches and bothers me when I learn that someone knows me so intimately. Intimacy is nice, but it leaves you vulnerable too.

The bride, my God she was beautiful. All I could think was, I can't believe you had to wait 10 years for this dream of yours to come true because you really were meant for this moment. She could be a professional bride. People would pay to see her.

From Monica's Wedding

After the ceremony we had time to kill so we drove to another nearby town for lunch. We stopped at The Rock Bar and Grill in Morden, MB. I had my very fist Bud Light Lime, which I decided tasted like nachos and a margarita. Unfortunately, it gave me a craving for nachos. I say unfortunately because some how the flavors from the nachos and the beer did not in fact mix very well. It made the beer taste like dish soap.

After lunch we took a different way back so we could drive past the windmills we had discovered last summer after our ziplining adventures. The four of us, all dressed up, decided we wanted to play models so we stopped in a farmer's canola field for pictures.

"Give me dramatic," Rob instructed, camera pointed at me. We all took turns pretending we were Calvin Klein models. It was fun.

From Monica's Wedding

Last year I got right into the canola for some picture fun so I wanted to do that again. Canola ended up in places canola should never be as I was wearing a dress this time. The pollen also made a mess.

The reception was nice but felt long. Vince started us on a drinking game where we had to take a drink every time the groom said "awesome" during his speech. I know, we're awful. But it did make me laugh.

Later they played a set of slow songs. I can't remember if it was before or after the bouquet toss (cliche, one of the bridesmaids caught it, I was worried though because I totally elbowed a girl and I wasn't sure if she was going to retaliate in some way. It was the country after all, they can be scrappy out there. Thankfully, she was too drunk to notice.).

When a set of slow songs came on, Vince said to me, "I guess since I'm your plus one I'm obligated to ask you to dance." Trust me, I am good with anti-romance from Vince.

Neither one of us had danced in a very long time. I told him which hand to put up. We laughed. We didn't step on each other though.

I don't remember the first song, but the second one was Unchained Melody.

"I danced to this song with Michael M. at my grade nine grad," I told Vince. Michael M. was also at the wedding, dancing this time with his long-time girlfriend.

Vince laughed. "So that was your undergrad undergrad undergrad?"

I remember being absolutely shocked when Michael M. asked me to be his date to grad. I think we were on the phone. We were friends but not friends. It was complicated but not really, in a grade nine kind of way. He got me a corsage but made fun of my poofy bangs. We danced twice that night--the first time to One Sweet Day (Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey) and the second time to Unchained Melody. The first song was about lamenting the loss of someone who had died, the second one was on the soundtrack to Ghost. The rather sad symbolism was not lost on me at all. I also remember watching him dance with Monica (The Bride) and knowing that he'd never look at me the way he looked at her. She was tall, had boobs, dimples and played hockey--the stuff that high school boys' dreams are made of. A good ten or twelve years later, when Michael M. and I were both at Rob's place playing Balderdash, Michael confessed to me that he was trying really hard that night to write creative answers because he wanted to impress me. All that time later and he wanted to impress me. The 13-year-old girl in me smiled inside. He always knew I was smarter even though he always called me dumb.

It was a few months ago now that I was last in that hall for the bride and groom's social. I was with the guy who I was hoping was going to be my plus one for the wedding. He wasn't there last night, but my goodness, a good 15 years of my history sure was.

Why was I dreading this wedding? It's complicated but you can probably pick out some of the reasons from what I've said here. But it wasn't so bad after all. I used to love weddings because they were so happy. This was a very happy wedding. In yoga my instructor says she can feel the energy in the room as we practice and it's an amazing feeling. Well, I feel love like that. In the church, in the hall, I could feel the love and it was such a beautiful thing. You think of all the ups and downs and twists and turns people go through to find love, and there it was, in all its splendid glory in that little town--true romance and the love of family and friends. It's what I live for and what I put faith in, even though sometimes I have no idea why.

Summer Vacay 09 Day 4

Today I made rhubarb pie and went to see a Fringe show about relationships. One of those things was sweet, the other was flaky.

I am so done with this vacation. Get me out of here.

Summer Vacay 09 Day 3

Wow did we ever get a storm yesterday evening. Lightning, thunder, rain. It was beautiful. It reminded me of being out at the cottage where storms are five times louder. I only wish it could have happened later at night. A perfect summer vacation would include a midnight storm I could stay up and watch, and rain beating against the window first thing in the morning when I would normally be getting up.

Today my mom and I attacked the rest of my living room wall. When I moved in (two years ago now, did I mention I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my house?) my living room walls were covered in this fibre wall stuff, which I like to compare to dryer lint stuck on with decoupage glue. It was grey with white flecks (like the kind of lint you get when you wash and dry a pair of pants you left a Kleenex in). To remove the stuff you "simply" wet it and scrape it off (it's not that easy). Last night when I was talking to my mom she asked me how the wall project was coming.

"Well there's a patch on the left side of the TV that I've done, and a bit on the right, so it kind of looks like a crack house in here."

Not wanting her daughter's home to be seen by anyone looking like a crack house, my mom immediately offered to come over today to help me finish it. Thankfully, she was happy to work for a grilled cheese sandwich and Fresca.

Once all the stuff was scraped off we had to wash the walls to remove the remaining fluff and glue residue. My mom, while on a break, laughed while watching me rub down the walls with a yellow cloth using a circular motion.

"Wax on, wax off," she said. Although I've never seen The Karate Kid, I am familiar with the reference, and truthfully, there was something very Zen feeling about the task. Is it weird to say that I felt like I was doing something nice for my house? There's just something satisfying, in a loving kind of way, about restoring something to its original beauty. Like cleaning the make up off of a hooker. Okay, I think I'm taking this crack house metaphor too far now.

When I got home tonight I was singing a song I'd heard on the way home. It echos in here now that the walls aren't padded in fluff, so my voice seemed to fill the whole house. My voice filled the whole house. I knew when I bought this house that I liked it because it was a good fit, just the right size. I fell in love with my house all over again today. I think I want to just stay up all night with it and think about how happy I am to have it in my life right now.

Summer Vacay 09 Day 2

My day started at 7am this morning when I woke with a start from a dream and couldn't remember if I had brought in with me last night that carton of milk I had picked up. I threw on some sandals and ran outside in my pajamas and crazy hair, threw open the garage door and then the driver's side door of Truck to find that no, I had not brought in that carton of milk last night. I groaned, carried it inside anyway and for some reason really wrestled to slip my shoes off again, which made me curse, before I headed back to bed and tried to forget about my forgetfulness. Yesterday I was wishing for a lobotomy wasn't I?

At noon I was supposed to meet an old co-worker and mentor for lunch at Joey's. This woman is very busy, so when I got the email from her saying she wanted to do lunch soon, I figured it had to be either because she wanted something from me (i.e., some kind of volunteer work) or she had something for me (i.e., a great lead on a job opportunity, possibly with the not-for-profit she works with). With high hopes for the latter, I pushed aside all frustrations and doubts and forgot about my big adult-like speech about not being in a good place for something new right now. For some reason though I decided to check my horoscope for today:

Sagittarius: You're ready for fresh scenery, but the Universe is not providing. Next month will bring what you're looking for. Right now you need to focus on getting the funds together. On another level, someone is trying to determine whether or not you walk your talk. Show them that you definitely do. Practice what you preach!

Mentor and I arrived in the parking lot at the same time and wound up parking beside each other. We were quickly seated and started to catch up.

It didn't take long for me to realize that Mentor had not invited me with any kind of ulterior motives. She was neither asking me for anything nor offering anything, aside from a thoughtful thank-you for all the work I had done for Red Shoe House. A few months back when I was doing a clean sweep of my life, I told Mentor in an email response that while I was happy to meet with her and another person on the communications committee to talk about plans for the website, I was going to be stepping down from my position on the committee because my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I had no regrets about leaving the committee. We had served each other well. My only concern later was if I had burned any bridges with Mentor by choosing to leave, especially so abruptly.

So no, I was not presented with a new opportunity over lunch today as I had hoped, but I was given the reassurance that I still had a very important person in my corner. She completely understood and respected my decision to leave and made me promise to keep in touch. That in itself was a gift because eventually I will need to call upon her again to use as a reference.

For the record, I'm not ready to leave Good Wooden Leg yet, but I know that my time there is finite and it makes me anxious. I still have a bit of time though before I really have to panic.

I met Mentor when I was still in school and looking for a volunteer gig to get some work experience. Two years later I was finished school but without a job in my field for 10 months. Those were the longest and most painful 10 months of my life at the time. I remember being so down and out because everyone around me was getting jobs but I could barely score interviews. I picked up Pilates and baking bread as my new passions but I was so terribly miserable and depressed. Then Mentor called me in the spring and offered me a job with The Agency where she was working at the time. For one year and one month, I lived the dream working there.

Today Mentor and I met in a completely new context. I was no longer working with her, I was no longer volunteering for her. We were just old friends. I will certainly do my best to maintain that relationship.

I've been reflecting a bit lately on the more struggling times I've endured in my still young little life. A lot of important things have come to me not necessarily because I was the best on paper, but because of who I was in character. On more than one occasion this is how I've been offered jobs, date setups, and I'd even argue it's how I got my house. (My offer wasn't the highest, but I gave the impression of being the safest bet because I had no conditions on my offer and I was able to offer a good deposit.) Who I am has worked pretty well for me. It's taken me places. So while I've appeared to change everything except my name and my address this year, I hope I do manage to hang on to who I am. Frustrated as I get sometimes when things don't turn out the way I hoped, or when facing another rejection, I still like that girl I was last year. I liked where she was going.

I do hope it doesn't take too long for me to find that next big thing again. I think about how lost and awful I felt before my big break with The Agency job and it worries me, even though I know it turned out well in the end. I really didn't want to have to feel that again.

So if I'm sounding down and out some days or not quite myself, have some patience, some compassion. It's just my fear and anxiety. I'm trying man, I'm really trying to just ride it out.

Summer Vacay 09 Day 1

Here I am, on holidays again. Holy Bejebus you know how much holidays stress me out when I don't have plans for them. It's about the only time I get stressed out about not having a plan. However, here I am, making the best of it. Hopefully each day presents something somewhat blogworthy.

Last week I booked an appointment for a massage on Monday afternoon. I don't remember what exactly it was that made me make the call--the nagging pain in my shoulder making its return or the dressing down I got from a co-worker who called me "unprofessional" in a meeting with her leader and mine. I had been feeling really grumpy about having to take this time off. I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but a week of not having a routine? I just don't know how to do this. Especially when I will just be feeling like I've gotten into the new routine of not going to work and then I will have to go back. Argh. Anyway, the last few days at work were really making me feel ready to get away for a bit, so the grumpiness was minimized.

I stood in the massage therapy room with my therapist for a few minutes to discuss "problem areas". I mentioned my shoulder and that I had sprained my ankle a few weeks ago and that it probably meant I had been compensating for it a lot while it healed. She cocked her head and looked at me.

"Yeah, you definitely look unbalanced," she said, making an unleveling motion with her hands. I kind of laughed and stood up straight figuring it would make a better picture.

"No, your left shoulder is definitely lower than your right," she said. I don't really remember ever looking in the mirror and seeing my shoulders level (but at least I'm level-headed! Hah!). I also have a wonky left eyebrow that sits lower than my right. It probably looks like I am constantly expressing skepticism. I know. I am such a Quasimodo.

Anyway, so I was all set for my hour of undoing and relaxation but my brain would not shut up. Lately, I've really been struggling with keeping the ugly thoughts out of my head, the ones that just tear me up inside. I don't know why but I have just been mercilessly beating myself up lately. So there I was trying to release the tension and stress but all my brain could do was blog and stab me in the back. Some days I want a lobotomy.

One thought that did come to my head was a realization (and why it didn't occur to me before I have no idea, it seems so obvious--whoops, there I go beating myself up again, stop that) that I have gone through a ton of changes this year. There is nary a piece of original Jill left. I changed jobs, brought new people into my life, saw some leave, incorporated new music, food, activities into my tastes and lifestyle, changed sizes and bought new clothes, I'm even changing the decor in my house. For crying out loud, can I just stand still for a moment?

My massage therapist started working on my pressure points in my shoulders and neck and finally I was able to clear my head. I think once her hands stopped moving in all directions and she started putting pressure in very localized places I was able to get some focus too. I pushed all the ugly thoughts towards the pain and suddenly I understood the logic behind cutting one's self. Not that I am, or about to become a cutter, but yeah, physical pain sure feels a lot more manageable than emotional pain. I'm squeamish about seeing my blood. I'd pay someone to perform acupuncture on me before I'd take a razor blade to myself. 'Sides, acupuncture is covered by my benefits plan I think.

At the end of June I was feeling pretty spent. I was also pissed off with the performance of the first half of 2009 and ready for a big turnaround once the calendar flipped to July. Well, we're about halfway through the month and I can't say anything spectacular has come about, but today I decided maybe that's okay. Maybe this is my chance to take a little breather from all this change. Regroup myself and find my path again. I know 2010 will come with a job change of some kind and who knows what else, so maybe for now I should just be thankful for this pause (even though that goes totally against my very impatient nature, but hey, wait a minute and maybe that will change too).

Before my massage I met up with Amara and my little miracle baby friend to go for a walk around the neighbourhood. Miracle baby was all smiles for me. I remember that when Amara told me she was pregnant I was on vacation and waiting to hear about a job I didn't get (because I was destined to get Amara's instead!). I always look upon Amara's little guy with awe and gratitude. Someday I will be the crazy Auntie Jill who sits him on my knee and tells him how special he is and how he saved my life once. Or at the very least we can play Lego together. I miss Lego.

There is a scene in a Sex and the City episode where Carrie asks Big to meet her in the park. She doesn't tell him why and he thinks the whole thing is a little ridiculous but she says to him, "I've done the dating merry-go-round thing, I just want someone to stand still with. So I'm standing here, asking you to stand still with me a moment." Big kind of rolls his eyes, but he does it. It is one of the most romantic and compassionate gestures I've ever seen, but I'm not going to touch on how beautifully romantic that scene is right now. I do feel something like Carrie though. I've done all the drama I want to do for a while. I just want to stand still for a moment. While yes, it would be really super to have someone stand beside me, hold my hand, even just for just a moment, I know too that something new right now would just be another change to work through. I believe I am ready for someone new, but I don't think I'm quite in the right place yet for something new. Not right now when I hardly recognize myself anymore.

PS I'm Busy

I love this. I love guys (and no doubt there are girls like this also) who think their high IQ is a sword they can use to defend themselves from lower class mortals who dare try to join them on their path for a while. Go ahead. Write me a novel. Write me an encyclopedia filled with your certainties and your knowledge about love, life, world economics or how Microsoft Windows users should be shipped to a remote island in the north pole region. Your true message is clear. You want me to show you my IQ sword and see if I can slay you. I probably could, but given that you have demonstrated you have no taste for humour or heart, I really have no interest in going into battle with you. I just don't see the prize.

You can belong to Mensa, you can be working on a cure for cancer, but if you have no sense of how to relate to and engage people from all walks of life, then I have no real use for you. Book smarts will get you places, open big doors for you to saunter though, but emotional intelligence, charisma, heart, compassion, these are the things that introduce you to authentic people who are worth knowing. Those are the people that will stop for you when you're lying on a sidewalk bleeding. Those are the people who can see right through your flimsy defense and feel compassion for the injured soul inside of you.

I hate to break it to you, but you're still human. I'm afraid they still haven't found a magic pill for broken hearts, so if it is love that you want, you really are going to have to put down the attitude, dude, and take the risk.

So yes, thank you for those beautiful 427 words you gave me, even if they were followed by a PS, I'm too busy. You have enlightened me, to say the least. You may have enjoyed Pride and Prejudice, but you have so far failed to see yourself in it.

Can't buy me love

So what was in your mailbox today, Jillian?

Oh, well, thank you for asking. Today I got a notice from the insurance company I used to have my house insurance with telling me that they were crediting me with $55 in the form of a cheque (to come later).

Wow Jillian, yesterday you got $36 from the government, today you got notice that you will be receiving $55 from an insurance company! Those are two very hard groups to get money from without even asking for it!

Indeed they are! It is only Tuesday and already my mailbox has surprised me with $91.

That's super awesome. You are such a lucky person!

Yes. I am very lucky, it is true. Funny things like this happen to me from time to time. Life just shows up with a smile and I am happy to be a part of it. But you know what they say. I could buy shoes, I could go out for dinner, I could buy someone a gift, I could give that money all away to someone who really needs it. And I would. I would send it all back if tomorrow I could open my mailbox and find a love letter.

Oh well. For now I could just order three boxes of Chocolove chocolate bars! (Each bar is wrapped in a beautiful love poem.)

Who am I kidding? It's going to the shoe fund.

Five alive part II

Okay, so yeah, I was pretty down and out earlier today but things turned around a bit. Here is my list of things that made me happy tonight:

1. Can't tell you. Sorry. But it was something that made my eyes go wide, filled my heart with hope and my head with dreams. Oh oh oh, it was exactly what I needed today.
   
2. Eating a chicken nugget from Sobey's that tasted exactly like a McDonald's Chicken McNugget. It made me feel like I was eight again.
   
3. My neighbour stopping me in the driveway to ask me how my weekend was and telling me that my hair looks really nice. Sometimes a girl just needs to hear that she looks nice. It's also nice to have good, caring neighbours. I'm very lucky.
   
4. Hearing that my buddy Vince got his Shape Collage program reviewed in Macworld Magazine. You can also see the article in the paper version of the magazine on page 50. I think that's so neat.
5. Because I like to do things in fives, I am restating that my poor people's cheque of $36.32 from the Canadian government also made me happy today. And maybe a little guilty since that cash is probably going to be spent in America.
   

Five alive

I wasn't having the best of days today. I'm tired from my weekend away, not feeling excited about the weeks coming up and some other stuff. But I've told you before that my lucky day is the 5th of the month and today I was reminded of that again. I opened my mail to find a cheque for $36 from the government--yay, they still call me poor and think I should get a quarterly GST cheque! The part that made me really smile though was at the bottom where it said:

Credits are payable on or about the 5th of the month.

And now back to brooding (which, at the very least, is good for the writing project).

Good Humour me not

How is it that every time I come home from being away I manage to time it just right so that as soon as I get out of Truck I hear that godforsaken irritating ice cream truck's version of Do Your Ears Hang Low? I love ice cream. I love trucks. I DO NOT LOVE THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!

That is all I have to say for now. I'm exhausted.

Hey Little Girl

When I got into work on Monday this is what I found on my desk: a miniature glass-like shoe filled with floating gold coins. Michael remembered me in Las Vegas! I love this. Maybe it means that my Prince Charming is a rich man. Or an Elvis impersonator.

Michael took the news about Perry very well although he was disappointed that he came home to fewer Sea Monkeys rather than more. Macro is still pregnant. I do not know the gestational period for a Sea Monkey but this seems like a long time already.

Going up to to Gimli with Joanna to meet Judy for lunch. Judy is also bringing a "friend" she wants me to meet. I told you she had a soap opera going on up there, now she's trying to drag me into it too. Oh you know how I just hate that.