1-900 Tech Support

I have to call the help desk (tech support) at work twice this week. The first time is because I forgot my password to one of the databases, the second time is because something wasn't working and it was mildly inconvenient. I put both calls off for as long as I could. I hate asking for help.

Eventually I have no choice; I can no longer avoid calling in to get my password reset. I need in. I hate making this call because I do it at least once a month. I feel so dumb that I cannot remember a password that I chose for myself (in my defense, it does expire every month and it's not like I use it every day). I imagine that every time I phone and give them my id a huge log comes up showing all the incidents of password resets I've called in and the person on the other end is just shaking their head at me. I have always found the support personnel cheerful, helpful, and not at all patronizing, but I can only imagine the venting conversations they have in their hallways about the idiots they have to help.

Anyway, this particular time a cute sounding guy answers. I have never spoken to him before as far as I can recall. His phone voice conjurs up an image of a very hot preppy blond wearing Dockers and a ringer t-shirt. After I make my request he puts me on hold so he can call my voicemail and leave me my new password. We hang up and I retrieve my message. As I listen I actually start to tingle a little (you have to understand, I was having a wicked bad week so sexy-tech-help-boy was actually a big highlight).

"Hey Jill, this is Aaron. I reset your password to access the GWL mainframe. Your new password is J as in Juliet, five, W as in whiskey, J as in Juliet, B as in..."

I smile to myself and let my mind wander off as I think, "why Aaron, Juliet and whiskey? I'd love to do Shakespeare and shots with you. Maybe later you can help me defrag my hard drive". The voicemail lady interrupts my day dreaming, "to delete this message, press seven, to save in archives, please press nine." I decide to archive Aaron, just incase I wrote something down wrong and I need to listen again.

On Thursday morning I make my second help call. This time it's because whenever I try to print a report in Access a little window pops up saying it is sorry but for no explicable reason Access would have to close and I may lose any unsaved changes. Leave me for no explicable reason huh? Access you must be a man. I pick up the phone and cross my fingers that Aaron will answer again.

"Hello, GWL Help Desk, Karen speaking." Rats. I explain my problem to Karen and she manages to figure out that I can print without disaster if I click on the printer icon instead of going File-->Print. She tells me though that she will have to pass my problem on up to the next level (woo hoo! I have a level II problem! That's way more credible than forgetting my password for the 500th time). I print my reports and I go to my meeting with seconds to spare.

When I get back I have a voice mail from Dwayne at the Second Level Help Desk and he wants me to call him back. I dial him up and he proceeds to remotely take over my PC to play around. He's not exactly fantasy material I decide, not like Aaron. I can hear him breathe and sigh and make other weird noises as he pokes around my system. Bored, I use the time to shuffle papers and search for my lip gloss. He's looking at my install/uninstall program list when he grunts, "Google toolbar. Toolbars are bad" before sending Google packing.

I cry to myself, "Noooo! Not my Google! Google knows so much about me, all my favourite places, my history, my habits". An image of me in a two star movie comes to mind:

"I know he's bad for me mama, but I love him and I don't care what you say cuz Google and I are going to be together forever! You can't keep us apart!"

Yeah, Google will come back once mouth breathing Dwayne here is out of the picture.

Forty-five minutes later and Dwayne still can't make me print. He informs me that he'll have to call in IBM to take my PC away for "re-imaging" (like, making it prettier?). Yee-haw! No computer for a few hours? Finally some good news.

When my computer comes back it's not any prettier although it does look different. I spend about 45 minutes re-doing my settings, changing my wallpaper back and generally just getting reacquainted with the thing (BONUS! I can PDF now!). Is my Access problem fixed? I have no idea because now I can't seem to locate the database anymore. Whatever, I'll deal with it on Monday when I need to print again. Here's hoping I remember (forget?) my password.