Rocky Mountain High

I have a favourite t-shirt that is forest green with a golden sheath of wheat on the back and the words Prairie Girl on the left arm. Today I arrived at Mount Kidd in Kananaskis and immediately renounced my citizenship. I am home.

Heading out of Calgary today I felt my heart swell slightly at the shadows of the mountains in the distance. That's always my favourite part of driving to the Rockies, when you can barely make them out on the horizon, and in fact aren't quite sure if that's the mountains you see or just low, dark clouds.

From Kananaskis Trip 2011

My uncle pulled up to my parents' campsite and I bounded out and made a beeline to Elmo.

"Hello Shamo," I greeted him with the special grunts and coos that only he can understand and much affectionate scratching behind the ears. He answered me with his happy whimper and soft growly sounds. I then turned around and saw the jagged top of Mount Kidd rising up over the mix of pines and poplars. I instantly felt small and girlish, like I'd just been wrapped up in the strong arms of a chisel-jawed and sky-blue eyed cowboy. It was only to be a two and a bit day stay, but my heart was already taken.

My mom took me on a walk to show me around a bit. We are just a few steps away from a rocky creek with cool and clear water that you can see down to the bottom in.

"I'm renting the house and I'm not going back," I said to my mom. Even the air here is different. I was always confused by those Mountain Fresh scented laundry detergents until today. The air really is sweet here, some mix of the pine and the wildflowers I suppose.

I went exploring on my own, later. I went back to the river, clapping my hands all the way. Mostly because I was afraid of a bear sneaking up on me, but also because I was happy and I knew it and I really wanted to show it.

From Kananaskis Trip 2011

I've been to the mountains before, but I guess the last time was probably when I was still a student and had endless summer vacation. I don't remember loving it like this: feeling so grounded, so soulfully at peace. I don't even miss the blistering prairie sun right now. I don't mind that I'm wearing a wool sweater and sweats and that later tonight I will have to bring out my down vest when at home I'd be soaking in the humid summer heat.

From Kananaskis Trip 2011

Maybe it's just because I haven't been on a vacation in I don't know how long that didn't involve a shopping mall. Maybe I just missed real camping. Maybe when I leave on Monday I'll be ready to go back to the wheat fields and slow, muddy rivers.

I don't want to think about any of that right now though. I just want to let my spirit dance in the shadow of the mountain, lean up against a sturdy old pine and breathe it all in.

From Kananaskis Trip 2011

Resourceful In Saskatchewan

Our lovable little heroine is kind of sweaty and in need of soap, kinda not so fashionable in blue capri pants, an army green t-shirt, white Adidas and a pink ball cap, but she's okay with that, cuz she's in small town Saskatchewan and camping in a Walmart.

I am on my way to Kananaskis for the long weekend. The plan was to tag along with my Aunt, Uncle and Grandma in Aunt and Uncle's RV. The trip was almost sidelined though due to the sudden death of Blue Bomber Defensive Coach Harris. A terribly sad event for Winnipeg, my aunt, who works for the Bombers, and for our family in general as Coach Harris was wonderfully supportive when my Uncle Robert died last summer. My Aunt ended up staying behind but my Uncle carried on the road show plans for me and Grandma.

I was operating on only scant hours of sleep all Wednesday because I decided to partake in patio drinking with boys the night before. Interesting set of characters: an Olympic Archer, a Hitchhiker/Couch Surfer from Indiana, and Hitch Hiker's Host: a University of Winnipeg physicist. Spent most of the day feeling hung over (due to lack of sleep, not the mere two glasses of Sangria). Could hardly wait to hit the road and close my eyes. I was glad I did have a ride and wasn't driving myself.

We hit the road around five that night and seemed to drive forever but only got as far as Brandon, MB where we parked for the night at Walmart. Not exactly a lush, provincial park, but I did see a jack rabbit.

We have stopped again for the day in Swift Current, SK. Since we are land docking in a parking lot, I needed to find a place to plug in so I could charge my phone, computer and iPod. Grandma and I wandered the Swift Current Mall looking for power. On our way out, ready to give up, I spotted an outlet in an abandoned Century 21 office. Score! I set myself up and twiddled my thumbs. I had just told Grandma that I was going to go look for a washroom when a Century 21 lady walked into the office. Busted! Or so I thought.

The woman was dressed in golden tan slacks and blazer with a leopard print scarf. She looked at us like she had walked in on something she didn't want to know about.


"I'm travelling and I just needed a place to charge my computer," I said.

"Oh, I guess I'll just leave you guys to that then," she said, spun on her heel and walked out.

I had forgotten to pack my wall charger for my phone and don't have one for my iPod so I tried to do all the charging through the ports in Mac. Didn't work. There is no Starbucks around here and even the kids at Staples couldn't offer me any suggestions when I inquired. I settled for an extra bar of charge on each device and closed up shop at Century 21.

After eating supper I needed a walk. I had spotted the hospital on our way in and decided to make that my destination. I'm kind of interested now in hospitals since I work in one. I walked in an assessed the offerings. A closed cafeteria, a Donor Recognition wall and electronic kiosk, and BINGO! A sign pointing me to the Cypress Hospital Patient and Family Computer Space. I'm the only one here making use of this awesome free resource. Unfortunately I can't use it to upload any of the great photos I've taken so far. Can't even get my iPod to charge on the thing. Where is MacGyver when I need him?

Well I guess I should get back to my RV and family before they think I've checked myself into this place.

Until Kanaskis, later Cow Polk!

On Thursday I went to St. Boniface Hospital thinking I was going to an appointment to get that bomb-like device wired to me again. Remember? The thing that monitored my heart for 24 hours and came back to tell me that I had the fifth Teletubby, Wenkebach, messing up the rhythm of my heart? Well, it turned out I was getting assigned a different monitor this time. This one was an event monitor, one that I was supposed to wear (with only two electrodes instead of five) for TEN DAYS and push the button on the attached pager-like thing if I ever felt faint.

"But I only pass out as a result of pain," I said to the tech assigning me the thing. "Like a needle or if I sprain my ankle."

"Oh, well then this thing won't record anything probably," she said. "It only records for 30 seconds when you have pressed the button." Well at least we agreed that this was a dumb idea. Not her fault though. I made a note to call my doctor when I got back to verify that he had checked the right box.

I got back to the parking lot and climbed into Truck. I went to retrieve my parking card from my purse, the one that the machine had spat out when I entered the lot. I couldn't find it. I pulled out every piece of paper in my bag, cursed myself for keeping so many random pieces of paper in the damn thing, but still couldn't find it. I got out and began retracing my steps. Perhaps I had dropped it on the way in. Perhaps I had put it down at the information desk when I stopped to ask for directions.

"What do I do if I've lost my parking ticket?" I asked the woman at the info desk.

"Go see the cashier around the corner and to the right."

"What do I do if I've lost my parking ticket?" I asked the cashier.

"There is a lost ticket button. Press it."

I went to the machine inside the hospital and located the "Lost Ticket" button. The machine laughed at me and asked me to give it twenty dollars. Considering I'd parked there for only about an hour, that meant it was asking for essentially the same net wage I make, and the damn thing didn't even go through university. I reached into my purse to grab my phone to make a call up to the Cardiac Centre to see if I had left my ticket at the front desk there when I checked in.

I didn't have to make that call though, didn't even have to pick up my phone, because right there was the parking ticket. Ta Da! Wasn't that a fun game?

I fed the card to the machine. Machine wrinkled its nose and spat the thing out. "Unreadable" it said. I tried again. Same results. FINE! I took the card and headed back to the parking lot knowing I could try the machine out there. Apparently the machines are in some kind of cahoots with one another because it wouldn't take the card either. I pressed the "Assistance" button.

"Hello?"

"The machine won't take my card," I said.

The voice inside the box asked me what time I came in and said a few other muffled things that I could only guess were somewhere along the lines of, "would you like to Super Size that?" I just kept repeating myself until finally the voice said, "the gate is open". I looked. So it was. I was free! Literally, free; I didn't have to pay for the parking at all.

I wore the device all day on Thursday, right up until about nine thirty when I changed into pajama pants for the evening. I set off with making Friday's lunch, a salad, with lettuce, chunks of cucumber and yellow pepper, and a tomato. I added half a can of tuna mixed with some salad dressing for protein. Finished with the preparations, I started cleaning up. I grabbed the red handled can opener and cried out when somehow the pinkie finger of my right hand got caught between the handles, up near the business end. I released my finger from the grips of the tool and looked at it. A small cut. A bit of blood. A lot of pain. Oh wait, I was feeling kinda woozy. SHIT! I thought. I'm not wearing the device!

I ran around the house looking for the gizmo. Not on my bed, not on the chair. My finger was now dripping. I ran to the bathroom to put it under cold water. Still feeling weird, I wrapped some toilet paper around it and skidded to the living room to lay down on the floor with my feet up in the air. I felt better. I got up and saw the monitor on the table, in a different place than where I had glanced the first time. I grabbed the pieces I needed to stick to me to stick to the wires, hooked myself all up, took a breath, stared at my bloody finger and waited to see if dizziness or nausea would over come me.

Nadda. I felt fine. Of course.

I'm not wearing the thing. It's stupid. I realize, as one who is forever smacking her limbs into hard surfaces and breaking her skin open by way of knives and other sharp objects being in the right place at the wrong time, I could very likely have another episode, such as I did on Thursday night. But the thing is a pain in the tuckas, and I'm still quite self-conscious about walking around in public looking like I'm wired to explode. I'll happily wear it the next time I go for a needle or blood work, but this is just plain dumb.

Heart Matters

A friend of mine is waiting for a heart transplant. She's 27, loves shoes, shopping, and going to the gym. I've heard her tell her story several times now about how she was a healthy, normal girl who went from a heart murmur and a mysterious fainting episode to heart failure and being in need of a transplant. Her story reminds me  of my own, except hers went to life-threatening while I am still just a fainter with a beat-skipping heart.

I tell people it's my mission to find her a heart. Someone, somewhere will sign a donor card, become an organ donor and my friend will get her new heart.

The other day I was driving her home and we were chatting about hope, waiting and patience. My friend told me one day she saw a pink elastic on the ground that was bent in a way that made it look like a heart. She said she felt inspired at that moment that her heart was coming soon. Unfortunately, it didn't. I've been thinking about the symbolism of hope for my friend and decided to start collecting picture of hearts for her.

From A Heart for Kristin

From A Heart for Kristin

Last week on my trip we even saw an elastic heart on the sidewalk. It's hard to see, but it's there!

From A Heart for Kristin

This will be an ongoing project for me. I will keep adding new hearts to the album as I collect them. If anyone has a picture to add to the collection, send them to me at jill at ajillstory dot com.

Business Class

When I found out I got approval to go to Toronto for a meeting I was in my kitchen and got the email on my work-issued Blackberry. I jumped around the house like a girl who just got invited to prom by captain of the hockey team.

My first business trip ever. In my very first job, working for the agency, my two co-workers were always flying off to the Vancouver office or Toronto. That was back when flights were cheap and budget cuts had not yet made it to the travel line. Now many employers have put travel bans in place so the team in head office that you talk to more than your own family remains faceless. Or at least legless if you enjoy the luxury of video-conferencing. I did a job interview that way once. What a waste of a perfectly put together outfit.

So the excitement over this trip had nothing to do with the destination. I'd have been bouncing around if they were sending me to Saskatoon. It was about getting on a plane for business instead of pleasure, checking into a hotel room downtown instead of a Super Eight with a coupon, having a per diem to buy food with, taking a taxi instead of having a relative pick me up and getting to be Jill, who flew in from Winnipeg. So many new fun hats to try. Also, a good excuse to buy new shoes and a suit when I was in America the weekend prior.

My mom took me to the airport on Thursday morning.

Briefcase with laptop? Check. Cute flying outfit? Check!

From Toronto Trip 2011

Okay, now one with the sunglasses. Cheese!

From Toronto Trip 2011

My boss came on the trip and it was her first business trip too, so we were both excited. The flight down started us off on getting to know each other better outside of the hospital walls. We bonded over blistered feet and a quest for all things heart shaped.

From A Heart for Kristin

From Toronto Trip 2011

At 9:30 we retired to our rooms. I launched myself backwards onto the king bed and was disappointed that it felt like landing on a sheet of plywood.

From Toronto Trip 2011

It felt kind of lonely sitting there in my room. I read all my emails, perused my usual news outlets, sent a few texts out and wondered how the football game I was missing was going back home. Missing. Something was missing.

I eventually gave in and slid myself into the left side of the bed. The pillows were weird. Too soft. I doubled up and my head sunk into the synthetic feather mound. In retrospect, I'd say this was where my trouble may have began.


I dreamed that night repeatedly of being smothered in that bed with the extra pillows by a woman and a man on either side of me. It was really creepy. Sleep that night came in fits. I got up at 7:30 with only shreds left of my excitement for the meeting that day. I felt like a wreck.

Look alive, girlfriend. You've got a meeting to attend!

From Toronto Trip 2011

The meeting was great. We were done by four but my flight home didn't leave until eleven which left me me a lot of time to kill. My boss was meeting a friend for dinner so I was on my own. My feet protested, but I set out on a walk in search of some green space. I settled for a bench by a fountain where I pulled out my journal and let my soul flow through my pen. I play around with the various pieces of my life with a sense of determination like someone doing a Sudoku or crossword puzzle. On the one hand, life is chaos, but on the other, so many people and things have come into mine lately, just when I needed them, that I feel certain there is a melody and a chorus.

I closed my journal and put my puzzle away for a while to rest in my subconscious. I headed back toward the hotel and stopped in front of a $20 psychic reading place. My boss and I had noticed it the day before and decided we should try it for fun. The neon sign said OPEN but when I pulled on the door it was locked so I carried on down Dundas Street. I would try again later, but with the same results. Fate doesn't like cheaters. Or she wanted to save me 20 bucks.

I wandered in a circle, sometimes in the crowd sometimes out. I felt trapped and lost like a fish in a tank. Toronto is alright, but I don't think it's my city. But that could have been the blisters, exhaustion and dehydration talking.

True Love Never Dies

I haven't had much luck with growing roses at my house. I've been here for four years now and have lost two rose bushes to the harsh climate. Last year I was at a garden centre with my mom and happened upon a lonely little rose bush that was on sale at mid-season price. The name tag on the rose said "Love". I took it home with me and planted it in the back yard against my house. In the fall my dad carefully trimmed it down and covered it up to protect it from freezing over the winter. Winter came and went and I hoped for the best for my Love plant.

Y'know what? It persevered. It survived. Love came back and blossomed this year. Don't question the tenacity of love. Yup, think of every cliche and quote about love and drop it here. I love Love.

"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken."--Beauty and the Beast

I sure hope it blooms again next year!

True Blue, Baby I Love You

Whenever I'm out and about in Winnipeg I can't help but notice all the vehicles sporting the new Blue Bomber licence plate. The team has given us a fair bit of heartbreak over the years, but this city still bleeds blue. I love that the team has chosen to dust off the old logo and jerseys--still my favourite look, probably because it was what the team wore when I was being introduced to the game.

And the Jets are back. I remember them leaving and not really understanding the big deal of it all. I'd only ever seen a couple of games from up in the nosebleeds courtesy of some free tickets that got donated to school patrols.

But oh how this city has pined for the return of that team. They told us for years that it would never happen, that the Winnipeg market was just too small to support a team anymore. I'll admit I shook my head at the ones who clung to hope. It was a long wait, but all the stars lined up, and now after a 15 year absence our beloved team will play for us again. You want to talk about patience and believing in a dream? Ask a Winnipeg Jets fan. Or an Ikea fan, 'cause we're getting one of those next year too.

Winnipeggers are notorious for being quiet about their civic pride. I know I don't chirp about the place. (Funny, I have the radio on right now and they're replaying a spoof PSA to Jets players about the wonders of Winnipeg. Most restaurants per capita in North America!) Modesty is an honourable trait.

Around the city now I feel a definite change in energy. I imagine if Canada was to have a reunion of sorts with all of the capital cities, Winnipeg would show up and people would drop their beer. Little Winnipeg, who used to be so shy and awkward, has finally grown into herself. She's looking hot.

I never really felt that Winnipeg was part of my identity. My home is here. My work is here. My family is here, but I can still be me anywhere else. I wouldn't lose part of myself if I left. But I identify with this city's recent blossoming and the step up into the now. It fills me with energy and determination. If Winnipeg can reach for her dreams, endure the bumps and challenges along the way and come out shining in the prairie sun, so can I.

Livin' the America Dream

Hello all, I am in America again.

On Thursday I was all pumped up for my extra long weekend. Even better, I was so busy that afternoon that I'd forgotten to take a lunch break so I was going to leave early for a change. Then I got a phone call from my dad.

"We've got a problem," he said. "The motor home just died. We aren't even out of the city. Don't think we'll be able to go away this weekend."

And just like that my dream long weekend that I'd been waiting for all year was gone in a puff of engine backfire smoke. I had been researching flights to Toronto for a possible business trip all morning and actually went back to see if there was something affordable to get me out there for the weekend to see Vince.

But a couple of hours later my dad phoned back to say they were on the road again and were limping along to the border. Woohoo! A Forth of July miracle! God bless America and one girl's pursuit of a spectacular fireworks show (and Independence Day Weekend sales).

I got home early, finished packing and hit the road, music up and windows down all the way. Hello summer heat, hello wind in my freshly cut hair, hello bug guts on the windshield.

I got to the border and proudly handed over my brand new passport. (Thank you Doug, the photo turned out lovely and I got it to Passport Canada just in time!)

"Where's home?" the mustached border guard asked.

"Winnipeg."

I gave him my destination and my reason for travel--shopping and camping. I waited for him to ask me how long I planned to be in America or when the last time I was there or if I had any food on board but he went in a different direction with the questions.

"Camping by yourself?" I've had this question before, actually. Don't know what's wrong with a girl in a pick up truck going camping solo, but sure, I suppose in a day I'm maybe only the fifth one to make such a claim.

"I'm meeting my parents down there," I said.

"When did your parents go down?"

"This afternoon," I replied. This time I was certain the next words would be "have a good trip", but no, the next question was one I had not ever heard before.

"Why didn't you go down with them?"

Maybe it was the plus 30 degree heat, maybe it was the fact that I was only an hour away from my destination, or because I had not had anything to eat since my desktop lunch, but I had to bite my tongue. It's because you're so pretty, Jillian, and that lovely new passport photo doesn't help your cause. He can't believe a pretty, 29 year old girl would be driving a shiny pick up truck solo to meet her parents for a weekend of camping. You silly blonde thing, trying to pull the wool over the eyes of this poor ol' US Customs officer. Clearly you have stolen this vehicle and are making a run for the California coast to become an actress or something.

I released my tongue from the grips of my front molars and replied, "because I had to work."

More suspicious questions followed, he did a walk around Truck and even opened the tailgate before handing back my passport and waving me on. Level two complete. On to the destination!

I arrived at the state park to find the gates closed. This was not entirely a surprise. The State of Minnesota is in some kind of budgetary crisis. The governor wants to raise taxes and some people are opposed to that. Go figure. So he said okay then, I hereby shut down all state parks and even the Zoo, starting on the Canada Day/Independence Day long weekend. How do you like them apples?

Still, my mom was able to make reservations at the park, so we figured vigilantes would be there keeping it open and running.  I pulled out my phone and was going to text my parents to see how they managed to get into the campground but instead saw that I had missed five messages from their cell phone.

"Made it across the border but motor home stalled. Waiting for tow."

"Getting a tow."

"Are you on the road yet?"

"Towed to Lithia Ford on 32nd, east of the mall. Meet us there."

"Call me. I will pay for the phone bill when you get it."

I pulled into the parking lot of Lithia Ford and found my parents and the dog, looking happy and relaxed in their lawn chairs.

The problem with the motor home would later be chalked up simply to the strains of the heat. The good people at the dealership had no problem with letting us park on their lot for the weekend since we did not have access to the state park. We have a place to plug in (so as to power the air conditioning) and free wi-fi from the service centre center (this is America, yo'.) While at the park we would have been looking at grass, a firepit and large, old trees, here we have a view of the Fast Lube garage and the Happy Harry's Bottle Shop at the other end of the lot.  Walmart is a mere five minute walk and open 24 hours.



The only true downside of this all is that poor Truck, of Chevy pedigree, is parked amongst a sea of shiny Fords. Truck is holding his own though and even tolerated his first ever tailgate party: beer and hotdogs with the Ford service and sales guys who drop in to say hello. They are all kind  and friendly folk so Truck and I make the best of it. I have promised him a special car wash before the weekend is done.

Purchases this weekend include a heap load of unmentionables, a very cute and colourful dress and a clearance special: skirt and short sleeved sweater for under 10 bucks.  No shoes yet. Might not happen.

I picked up a book at Target called One Day by David Nicholls. I had gone into the book section looking for a different book but picked up this one and took a chance on it. So glad I did. I am loving it. I'd forgotten what it felt like to actually enjoy a book. I haven't read something so delicious in so long. I pack it in my purse and pull it out whenever I have a chance. I'm sure it's love. I will be so sad when the last page has been turned and the romance is over.