My day started at 7am this morning when I woke with a start from a dream and couldn't remember if I had brought in with me last night that carton of milk I had picked up. I threw on some sandals and ran outside in my pajamas and crazy hair, threw open the garage door and then the driver's side door of Truck to find that no, I had not brought in that carton of milk last night. I groaned, carried it inside anyway and for some reason really wrestled to slip my shoes off again, which made me curse, before I headed back to bed and tried to forget about my forgetfulness. Yesterday I was wishing for a lobotomy wasn't I?
At noon I was supposed to meet an old co-worker and mentor for lunch at Joey's. This woman is very busy, so when I got the email from her saying she wanted to do lunch soon, I figured it had to be either because she wanted something from me (i.e., some kind of volunteer work) or she had something for me (i.e., a great lead on a job opportunity, possibly with the not-for-profit she works with). With high hopes for the latter, I pushed aside all frustrations and doubts and forgot about my big adult-like speech about not being in a good place for something new right now. For some reason though I decided to check my horoscope for today:
Sagittarius: You're ready for fresh scenery, but the Universe is not providing. Next month will bring what you're looking for. Right now you need to focus on getting the funds together. On another level, someone is trying to determine whether or not you walk your talk. Show them that you definitely do. Practice what you preach!
Mentor and I arrived in the parking lot at the same time and wound up parking beside each other. We were quickly seated and started to catch up.
It didn't take long for me to realize that Mentor had not invited me with any kind of ulterior motives. She was neither asking me for anything nor offering anything, aside from a thoughtful thank-you for all the work I had done for Red Shoe House. A few months back when I was doing a clean sweep of my life, I told Mentor in an email response that while I was happy to meet with her and another person on the communications committee to talk about plans for the website, I was going to be stepping down from my position on the committee because my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I had no regrets about leaving the committee. We had served each other well. My only concern later was if I had burned any bridges with Mentor by choosing to leave, especially so abruptly.
So no, I was not presented with a new opportunity over lunch today as I had hoped, but I was given the reassurance that I still had a very important person in my corner. She completely understood and respected my decision to leave and made me promise to keep in touch. That in itself was a gift because eventually I will need to call upon her again to use as a reference.
For the record, I'm not ready to leave Good Wooden Leg yet, but I know that my time there is finite and it makes me anxious. I still have a bit of time though before I really have to panic.
I met Mentor when I was still in school and looking for a volunteer gig to get some work experience. Two years later I was finished school but without a job in my field for 10 months. Those were the longest and most painful 10 months of my life at the time. I remember being so down and out because everyone around me was getting jobs but I could barely score interviews. I picked up Pilates and baking bread as my new passions but I was so terribly miserable and depressed. Then Mentor called me in the spring and offered me a job with The Agency where she was working at the time. For one year and one month, I lived the dream working there.
Today Mentor and I met in a completely new context. I was no longer working with her, I was no longer volunteering for her. We were just old friends. I will certainly do my best to maintain that relationship.
I've been reflecting a bit lately on the more struggling times I've endured in my still young little life. A lot of important things have come to me not necessarily because I was the best on paper, but because of who I was in character. On more than one occasion this is how I've been offered jobs, date setups, and I'd even argue it's how I got my house. (My offer wasn't the highest, but I gave the impression of being the safest bet because I had no conditions on my offer and I was able to offer a good deposit.) Who I am has worked pretty well for me. It's taken me places. So while I've appeared to change everything except my name and my address this year, I hope I do manage to hang on to who I am. Frustrated as I get sometimes when things don't turn out the way I hoped, or when facing another rejection, I still like that girl I was last year. I liked where she was going.
I do hope it doesn't take too long for me to find that next big thing again. I think about how lost and awful I felt before my big break with The Agency job and it worries me, even though I know it turned out well in the end. I really didn't want to have to feel that again.
So if I'm sounding down and out some days or not quite myself, have some patience, some compassion. It's just my fear and anxiety. I'm trying man, I'm really trying to just ride it out.
1 comment:
I was told by a much older, hence wiser, person, when I first started working, that it isn't so much what you do, but how you do it. People like to work with people they like. They are willing to overlook your faults, if they like the person they are dealing with. I'm not saying they you are lacking in any skills, but, don't change who "Jill" is too much. People like you for who you are, not who you might become. I know I barely know you, but from what I know, you are a kind, caring person, with a great attention to detail, and I think that will carry you very far in your life. Don't change too much. You could ruin 'you'.
My two cents. . .
DL
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