Where love grows

The wedding wasn't so bad. Or at least, the good times out-shone the longer moments.

The bride was beautiful. I remember her dreaming of her wedding, her house, her kids when we were in high school. The pictured groom at the time was a different guy, and ironically I believe he too is getting married this year.

I never had those kind of dreams. I just wanted to finish high school, get through university and get out to the working world. I kind of assumed a guy would work his way into the mix along the way, but that never actually happened.

When I found out that my old high school best friend was going to be joining us for the ride out to the wedding, I got uncomfortable. We were almost inseparable in grade 11 and 12. She was an amazing friend to have. But we grew apart after graduation. She had boyfriends and other priorities. She worked wonky hours at Walmart. I remember talking on the phone with her one night and we both had big news. She told me hers first--she was engaged. She had only been dating the guy for three months and they were engaged to be married. My news suddenly felt very lame. I had landed a job, the Agency job that was a dream come true for me. I don't know why but her news just seemed much more exciting. At the time I also saw it as a painful reminder that she was way ahead of me in the game. She was a 24-year-old woman getting married and I felt like 13-year-old with a paper-route and a training bra.

From Monica's Wedding

Vince picked me up first. He had his dad's Mercedes. We then picked up Rob and High School BFF (HSBFF) at Rob's place so they sat in the back together. Rob chatted with her but I didn't say much. It was hard for me to feel comfortable around her still. I was in her wedding party, I was kind of the unofficial maid-of-honor (her sister got the title while I got the duties) but after that we didn't hang out anymore. We were in different places so it was understandable, but I think it still really hurt me to lose someone I had been so close to. So when I'm faced with people like that again I tend to be withdrawn and quiet. I put on my thick skin. It's kind of my way of saying, please, don't care about me. I can't bear the thought of getting close to you again. I'm not proud of it, but I understand it so that's half the battle.

In the church HSBFF and I wound up sitting beside each other in the pews. We started talking, her more than me of course. She asked me about work and I explained the position and circumstances I was in. I learned that she was still working at Walmart but she and her husband had a business together they will probably sell in the next year or so and then she will start planning to have a baby.

"Have you read the Twilight series?" she asked me.

"No, I saw the movie though."

"The books are way better," she said.

"Yeah, I figured."

"I read them last summer on the beach and I thought of you. They seemed like something you would enjoy."

She had thought of me. Huh. That was really nice of her. And weird. It always strikes me when I hear someone say something about me that I didn't think was that obvious. Like when Lisa one day told someone, "Jill doesn't like to do things she's not good at," which is sort of true and sort of not. I get frustrated when I don't have a natural talent for something so either I want to spend time by myself practicing until I feel good enough to perform in front of other people, or I just give up and say it's not my thing. But anyway, I didn't think this was something obvious to someone else. It both touches and bothers me when I learn that someone knows me so intimately. Intimacy is nice, but it leaves you vulnerable too.

The bride, my God she was beautiful. All I could think was, I can't believe you had to wait 10 years for this dream of yours to come true because you really were meant for this moment. She could be a professional bride. People would pay to see her.

From Monica's Wedding

After the ceremony we had time to kill so we drove to another nearby town for lunch. We stopped at The Rock Bar and Grill in Morden, MB. I had my very fist Bud Light Lime, which I decided tasted like nachos and a margarita. Unfortunately, it gave me a craving for nachos. I say unfortunately because some how the flavors from the nachos and the beer did not in fact mix very well. It made the beer taste like dish soap.

After lunch we took a different way back so we could drive past the windmills we had discovered last summer after our ziplining adventures. The four of us, all dressed up, decided we wanted to play models so we stopped in a farmer's canola field for pictures.

"Give me dramatic," Rob instructed, camera pointed at me. We all took turns pretending we were Calvin Klein models. It was fun.

From Monica's Wedding

Last year I got right into the canola for some picture fun so I wanted to do that again. Canola ended up in places canola should never be as I was wearing a dress this time. The pollen also made a mess.

The reception was nice but felt long. Vince started us on a drinking game where we had to take a drink every time the groom said "awesome" during his speech. I know, we're awful. But it did make me laugh.

Later they played a set of slow songs. I can't remember if it was before or after the bouquet toss (cliche, one of the bridesmaids caught it, I was worried though because I totally elbowed a girl and I wasn't sure if she was going to retaliate in some way. It was the country after all, they can be scrappy out there. Thankfully, she was too drunk to notice.).

When a set of slow songs came on, Vince said to me, "I guess since I'm your plus one I'm obligated to ask you to dance." Trust me, I am good with anti-romance from Vince.

Neither one of us had danced in a very long time. I told him which hand to put up. We laughed. We didn't step on each other though.

I don't remember the first song, but the second one was Unchained Melody.

"I danced to this song with Michael M. at my grade nine grad," I told Vince. Michael M. was also at the wedding, dancing this time with his long-time girlfriend.

Vince laughed. "So that was your undergrad undergrad undergrad?"

I remember being absolutely shocked when Michael M. asked me to be his date to grad. I think we were on the phone. We were friends but not friends. It was complicated but not really, in a grade nine kind of way. He got me a corsage but made fun of my poofy bangs. We danced twice that night--the first time to One Sweet Day (Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey) and the second time to Unchained Melody. The first song was about lamenting the loss of someone who had died, the second one was on the soundtrack to Ghost. The rather sad symbolism was not lost on me at all. I also remember watching him dance with Monica (The Bride) and knowing that he'd never look at me the way he looked at her. She was tall, had boobs, dimples and played hockey--the stuff that high school boys' dreams are made of. A good ten or twelve years later, when Michael M. and I were both at Rob's place playing Balderdash, Michael confessed to me that he was trying really hard that night to write creative answers because he wanted to impress me. All that time later and he wanted to impress me. The 13-year-old girl in me smiled inside. He always knew I was smarter even though he always called me dumb.

It was a few months ago now that I was last in that hall for the bride and groom's social. I was with the guy who I was hoping was going to be my plus one for the wedding. He wasn't there last night, but my goodness, a good 15 years of my history sure was.

Why was I dreading this wedding? It's complicated but you can probably pick out some of the reasons from what I've said here. But it wasn't so bad after all. I used to love weddings because they were so happy. This was a very happy wedding. In yoga my instructor says she can feel the energy in the room as we practice and it's an amazing feeling. Well, I feel love like that. In the church, in the hall, I could feel the love and it was such a beautiful thing. You think of all the ups and downs and twists and turns people go through to find love, and there it was, in all its splendid glory in that little town--true romance and the love of family and friends. It's what I live for and what I put faith in, even though sometimes I have no idea why.