Me and G: Part VI The eHarmony Experiement Diaries

This is part six of The eHarmony Experiment Diaries. Thanks for following! Read the previous chapters I, II, III, IV, V.

I met up with A 2.0 at the Forks for coffee. We sat by the river and chatted about dogs, negotiating vacation time from an employer and the common-law act. He seemed like a nice, friendly guy with a good sense of fashion, but there wasn't any spark there. He was about nine years older than me and I think we were in different places in our lives. When we departed he said we'd keep in touch. I never heard anything more from him but that was okay.

I met G at a coffee place downtown. I wore new dark, boot cut khakis, a buttery yellow blouse and a dark denim blazer with kitten heels. My parents had just returned from Vegas and I asked my mom to bring me back a good luck trinket. She found me a ladybug charm on a bathtub chain. I'd tucked it into the left front pocket of my pants. It was warm and springy out. As I walked by the cafe I spotted him inside and we waved to each other like we were old friends.

As soon as I sat down we started joking and laughing. We never stopped. I felt like I was on a radio morning show. There was no dead air, ever. And while his photos on his profile didn't really get me excited, in person I found him quite attractive, probably because I genuinely enjoyed him. We talked travel, family, music, movies, dating, food, aid in Africa, everything. It was this great mix of intellectualism and comedy. At ten when the place was closing up I think we were both disappointed to see the night end. He walked me to my truck. We were still laughing as I told him about my parking anxiety problem that means I always end up taking a spot six blocks away from my destination. He gave me a hug goodnight and said we'd talk again soon. The next day I was grinning and he wrote me at ten am to ask if I'd like to meet up again. I finally got the chance at a second date and I actually was excited to take it!

While I was at the Forks on the Sunday killing some time before I met A 2.0 I'd picked up a flyer for the Cinemateque theatre and noticed a few shows I wanted to see. I suggest to G that we see either Trunk Show, a documentary on Neil Young, or Art & Copy, a doc on advertising. G had said he liked docs and I thought that seeing one would mean great talking points for later. He wrote that we should see the Neil Young show since the Art & Copy show didn't open until April 2. He asked if I was available either that Friday or Sunday. Excited for a reunion much?!

We agreed to meet for the 9:15 show on the Friday night. I usually go to the gym for Zumba at five, followed by Yogalates from six to seven. I planned out on Thursday what I was going to wear on Friday and made sure I had something quick to eat for when I got home. I hurried home from the gym and phoned G to arrange our meeting time. Neither of us were sure how early we needed to show up to get tickets and good seats so we agreed to meet at 8:45, which was when the box office opened.

When I arrived, right on time, I was a bit surprised not to see G there. I sat and waited and then noticed a text on my phone.

"Running a bit late, sorry!" he wrote.

"hah, this gives me time to go and get a closer parking spot!" I replied.

"Yay, everybody wins!"

I flipped through the only piece of reading material near the bench I was sitting on, which happened to be the arts magazine for the Winnipeg Gay and Lesbian community. Neat.

Every time a door opened I turned to see if it was him. At nine he wasn't there. At nine-o-five he wasn't there. Just around 9:10 he arrived.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," he said.

"That's okay," I shrugged. As it turned out, the box office wasn't busy at all, so there was no loss.

"I'm really bad for showing up for things on time," he said.

"Really?" I thought back to our first date where he had arrived first and had enough time to get his coffee before I showed up, right on time.

"Yeah, I was watching the Simpsons, an episode I'd seen like six times before, of course, and then I realized I hadn't gone for a run yet today. So I did that and then I kind of forgot how long it takes to get ready and get down here, so I apologize, I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," I said. And really, I was fine with it. Although it was a bit odd because he'd been off all day, works at the hospital in the area and should have an idea as to how long it would take him to make the drive. But I figured it was just one of those quirky things about him that I might have to learn to work around and laugh about. And hey, we were on our second date! I looked great, he smelled nice and we were going to have a good time.

The film was not so good. If you love Neil Young and enjoy seeing him in concert, you will enjoy this documentary. If you like documentaries that get lots of behind the scenes action and make some kind of statement or leave you with something to ponder, you will not like this film. G and I agreed on not really enjoying it.

After the show we decided to grab a drink at a lounge downtown. It was a quiet and cozy place. We ordered hot chocolate with Bailey's and chocolate liqueur and started chatting.

We were laughing again but there were some stalls. I know I was tired because it was late Friday night after a long week. I tried to talk about this project I was working on at work but it didn't come out right. He told me something that I had no idea how to respond to. Blips. These all seemed like small blips. He asked me if I had any interest in politics or world issues. I had to admit that I didn't. I always feel self conscious about my lack of knowledge on these topics. I feel like I should be able to offer some kind of comment on them but I really don't follow them much in the news.

At the end of the night he again walked me to my truck and gave me a hug goodnight. I got in and felt okay. If our first date had been a 10, this one was maybe a seven or eight. It wasn't as great, but didn't seem like a total fail either.

I realized later when I replayed the evening in my head that this time he hadn't said anything about meeting again. I didn't hear anything from him the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. I knew what that meant. There would be no part three to me and G.

I know the rules. I know what it means when a guy doesn't call after a date. This time he didn't even feed me the "I'll call" line. His silence made it clear he wasn't interested anymore, or not interested enough (He's Just Not That Into You) and I respect that. I've done my share of listening to my gut and writing matches off. This time I was the one who was weighed and found wanting.

Still, I was sad about that one. I threw punches at myself all weekend for not presenting myself better and messing up what was looking like a good thing. But I slowly came to accept that I couldn't blame myself for this one. If it was right it wouldn't have mattered. G and I would have been able to just keep laughing our way through the night and he wouldn't have cared that I can't talk about the Gaza strip. For all I know he realized he didn't like the creative-type or he had met someone else during the week and my "performance" had nothing to do with the ending. But what still stung the most was the realization that I had finally found someone who I could laugh with who also enjoyed intelligent conversation and now, for whatever reason, he was gone. I had gone through all those matches, met three other guys, talked to one, and I didn't share a laugh with any of them like I did with G. The last time I remember laughing with a guy like that was with Ed when we were just getting to know each other. A match in sense of humour is apparently hard to find and now I have to wait for it to come around again.

Disappointed as I am that G and I weren't a match after all, I am truly grateful that I had an experience with him. If anything, G served to remind me that I am a clown at heart, and I need to find someone who I can laugh with. I never considered this before. I guess I just always assumed that the laughs would come. But now I really want that same magic I felt when I was laughing with G. That was something different.

I'm kind of puzzled by the concept of dating. Sometimes it feels a bit like applying for a job or auditioning for a part. I didn't know that I needed to rehearse for a date, that I should try to think of the questions he might ask so that I could maintain my poise and grace while being tested and evaluated. Do I need to bring references too? There are levels to get through and expectations at each of those levels. People don't go through the same process for new friends. Nobody keeps track of the first time you go to a movie together, the first time you get to see their house or if you even get to see it at all. Friendships simply happen, without the formal stuff, when you find yourself gravitating to someone who is nice or fun. Shouldn't love work like that?

One of the short answer questions I've seen a couple of times on eH is "What are your three best traits you have to offer a partner?" My answer? I think love happens when you find someone who gives you what you need, but those needs are different for everyone. I've known my best friend for almost 10 years and she tells me she likes me because I'm different, kind, thoughtful, supportive and I make her laugh. I imagine some version of this list, plus being able to bake some great cookies would be the reason I'm the right match for a guy.

I am at week eight of my eH experiment. I have five left in my subscription. When I started I said I wanted to just have an experience and date as much as I could. Now, I'm not sure. It would be hard for me to accept a date with a guy now who doesn't have some of JM's heart and G's intelligence and humour. I guess since I have been reminded of what right feels like (and wrong) I have some extra patience to wait it out for Mr. Right to come along.

I don't know if love is really waiting for me on eH, or any online site for that matter. But I'm glad I tried it.