There is Always a Reason: Part III of The eHarmony Experiment Diaries

This is part III of The eHarmony Experiment Diaries. Read parts I and II here.


In my second week on eH I got matched with A, the 28-year-old home builder and mechanical engineer. He was cute looking, industrious, went to Hot Yoga, and even followed the figure skating during the Olympics because as he said, "you can watch hockey anytime". I found myself wondering how he could possibly be single.


A was funny in a way. He wouldn't open his emails to me with any kind of greeting or close them with a sign off--no "Hey Jill," or "Have a good weekend". However, I always changed the subject instead of letting it run on with "re: re: re:" and he started picking up on this and played along. He then began signing off his emails with "Regards, Andrew." It made me laugh. Regards. How formal! But his efforts suggested to me that he was trying and I found that sweet. Not everyone is a natural and I figured maybe email just wasn't his best medium of expression. I liked him because he seemed ambitious, down to Earth and loved the outdoors. I also admire a guy who can build something with his hands.


A asked if I would like to go rock climbing with him. He also suggested doing a winter picnic or going skating. At first the rock climbing idea appealed to me,  but I polled some people for their thoughts on the idea as a first date. OAF made a point that I thought was valid. He said, "it's all about him showing off to you. You just have to show up looking cute."

Everyone else I asked said they'd be afraid of looking bad. I, of course, am not one to sacrifice an adventure for saving my pride, so that was never my concern. But I did wonder just how long I could climb for, having zero experience. Plus, without knowing if the guy is the patient teaching type or the competitive, "you're on your own" type, I wondered if it might be best to put this idea in a back pocket for a potential second or third date. We went with the winter picnic in the park idea instead and agreed to meet on a Saturday afternoon.


In the meantime, this new guy, JM, emailed me. You have the option of skipping the whole guided communication dance and going straight to email, which JM decided to try with me. I hesitated because things were going well with A, but something (probably my gut) told me to just go for it.


I accepted and read his message. There was something likable about him right away. I almost closed him as a match when he was delivered to me because he was younger (26) and he lived outside of Winnipeg in the country (about an hour away I think, I hate commutes. I don't even like driving across the city when the weather's bad so I am cautious about getting involved with a guy outside of the city limits.). He was cute though, a graphic designer who played guitar and listed family, politics, finding a soulmate and snowmobiling in his interests. He was a country boy, I am a city girl, but it would be fun to go snowmobiling and sit by the fire with him and his guitar, if only for a weekend, I thought.


A had that "guy's guy" appeal that works for me, but JM had some definite romance about him. I really didn't know how it was going to play out. It was just nice to feel some optimism about love again.

One of my gut feelings about A was that he wasn't exactly the sensitive type. I didn't get a sense of warmth or kind-heartedness from him, which is something that is important to me. JM had a huge heart and I felt like I could tell him anything. A and I talked on the phone a few days before the date--all business just to make the arrangements for our meeting. After we hung up I still felt that there was something not quite working for me but I wanted to keep an open mind and wait to see how things went when we met. When I got home from the date the first thing I did was grab Mac and emailed OAF the whole recap.

From: Jill
To: OAF
Date: Sun, Feb 28, 2010 at 1:50 AM
Subject: Les boys

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That's me banging my head on the keyboard. If this is dating and romance, I want out.

So on Monday A and I set up a date. On Wednesday I got an email from a guy who I had been trading questions with but who disappeared on me for a week. Normally, unforgivable but this guy IS PURE HOTNESS. The beautiful should not get special privileges, I know, but he looks like John Stamos and he plays guitar. In the mean time I was also still trading lengthy emails with JM, the cute farmboy.

Saturday arrives and it is date day with A. He picks me up at two. He drives a red truck, a Ford (I'm Chevy), standard, and he doesn't play the radio or anything. We went to the park for the winter picnic idea. He brought wood, hot dogs and fixings, a thermos of wine and hot chocolate mix. I was in charge of the S'mores. It was nice.

He was cute in person too, which is always nice. After a few hours of sitting at the fire and watching it go down he turned and asked me, "are you getting cold yet?" and grabbed my knee. I was surprised by this a bit. Conversation was going pretty well but I didn't think we were at random acts of grabbing stage. We called it a day around five. As he was driving me home he asked if I had any plans for the evening. Note to self. When you plan an afternoon first date with a guy, always make sure you have plans for the evening, or at least an idea of plans that is plausible (I am a terrible liar). Do not say, "no, just relaxing," because then guy, who you just spent an entire afternoon with in the park will ask where you can get a movie in this area. You will misinterpret this question and think he's asking where the nearest theatre is. He will correct you and say, "oh, no, I mean where you can rent one." And then, because you really really really cannot lie or keep your mouth shut you answer, "there's a Blockbuster up here".

So we went in and browsed the selections. He panned all the ones I picked out. Isn't there any kind of first date rule about letting the girl pick the movie? We ended up with The Informant. He didn't have a card for Blockbuster's so I had to pick up the movie. AND F*CK I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I LEFT IT AT HIS PLACE.

Excuse me.

So then he asked me, "your place or mine" and I was thinking, um, well, I did spend some time this afternoon house cleaning but not quite "house guest" level cleaning. Plus, I figure it's easier for me to leave a place early than it is for me to kick a guy out early. So I told him my TV was on the fritz (which it is) so his place would work better. I also asked him to drop me off at home first so I could take a hot shower to warm up and then told him I'd drive myself over (again, making it much easier to leave when I want to.) Also, I hate smelling like smoked meat after sitting around a campfire. Although I guess really, that's all I am, right? A nice piece of smoked meat.

At his place I stepped inside and hung up my own coat. He told me to have a seat. I looked from the nice spacious couch to the love seat. The love seat offered a better view for the TV so I sat down and tried to make myself into the smallest ball possible. I tucked my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them oh so casually. This position gets tough after a while though. My feet started to hurt because they wanted to slip off the leather. I forced myself to endure it though. He tried to rest his arm on my knee but realized it was too high and awkward to keep there. We watched the movie.

After that movie it was still relatively early so he started flipping through the Video On Demand selections. We decided to watch The Invention of Lying. I eventually relaxed my right leg down to the floor but kept the left one up for a guard.

"Do you want to lay down?' he asked. In my own bed? Alone? YES! Oh, here? Um, where? And how, on a teeny tiny love seat?

"No! I'm fine!" I said. After that movie the Finland/Slovakia bronze medal hockey game was on. I know, I know, I had two movie endings to get myself out of there and did not take them. So then he picked up my legs and pulled them over so they rested perpendicularly over his. He rested his right arm on my knees and stroked my feet with his left hand.

"Colourful socks," he said. I could feel his thumb inching higher and higher to the cuff of my left sock and I said a silent prayer of thanks that I decided to shave my legs today, although really, at that point, some stubble may have been my best defense. My skin is rather sensitive, so when he did work his way higher to my bare shin it started to hurt. The game was nearly over. I planned to make my exit.

His room mate came home. He sat down on the expansive couch and watched the rest of the game with us. Once it was over I announced that I was heading home. The room mate too jumped up and headed off to his room. I of course was hoping he'd decide to hang around a bit longer and make the good bye at the door less private. No dice. I grab my jacket off of the hanger, put on my shoes and my gloves. A came over and gave me a hug. Ok, fine. He went for a kiss too, but I kept my head to the side so he hit my cheek. We pulled back and he went in again and I let his lips find mine for a very quick, and just-outside-of-polite kiss. He grinned. Oh great, he thinks this is all good. I suppose I really gave no obvious indication it was bad so I cannot shake my head at anyone other than myself. Fine. I really am mad though that I forgot that movie. It's due back on Monday. Damn it!

I just always find myself taken by surprise when a guy treats me like a thing he wants to take back to his cave. I have a well-endowed brain and I'm a nice girl. Why would a guy think that a smart nice girl would want to be manhandled?  I'm sorry, but on a first date, don't touch me. We've only just met and I'm still trying to figure out if I am comfortable with breathing the same air as you. I know, I know. Big brain, small voice. Learn to speak up and not worry so much about being polite or you have no business being out in today's dating world.

I checked my email when I got home. I had a new message from JM, the lovely farmboy. I've fallen even more smitten for him as he talked about enjoying The Vampire Diaries and how much he likes a good story line. He always says so many right things. He had a suggestion for a first date and he wrote, "Would it be too early to do something like that? Do you want to meet up sometime soon or are you more comfortable just emailing for a bit?"

Just when I was starting to wonder if properly courting a girl was tragically dead, along comes JM, the small town Farmboy who wants to know what I am comfortable with. So now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get that movie back from A and set up plans with JM, who I am destined to love, but break his heart when I tell him that I will not move out to rural Manitoba to be with him. Ever. And what about John Stamos who actually lives in this city? Ohhhh my. I could be busy for the next while. It's about flippin time!

The Princess is now going to bed. Stay tuned for the next chapter.

Jill

OAF wrote me back.

"Absolutely spectacular," he said and then suggested I take some lessons from Jennifer Garner's character in The Invention of Lying for next time. Y'think? Like Oprah says, sometimes God whispers, sometimes He throws a brick's weight in perfectly blunt lines, in a Jennifer Garner film, that you can use to get yourself away from unpleasant situations.


I replied:

Yes, I really should practice bluntness.

I forgot one other fun detail. While I was sitting there in the cave man's clutches I noticed something on the table. It was one of those miniature books that you can buy in the card stores and give to someone as a funny or sometimes overly sentimental gift. The title of the book on Cave Man's coffee table?

Dating for Dummies