Let the healing begin

I've been trying to sleep but all I want to do is blog. Today, Wednesday, April 8 will forever be known as the day I got caught on the Google Maps cam and dumped via an email.

Remember that guy who wanted so badly to be my Valentine? Who would drop by my house on his way to work just because he missed me and wanted a hug? The guy who was a true gentleman and always opened the door for me? Yes, that guy dumped me today in a two page email that I opened at work.

After reading it, I calmly walked to Hollene's cube because she was my only friend around at that time. I barely had a voice as I told her what happened and showed her the email. I was calm and feeling in control. And then she told me it was okay to cry, and I did.

Joanna gets in at 8:00 so I went to see her next because she has been there with me through the ups and downs. I asked her to go see Michael, my boss, and tell him I needed some time away from my desk for a bit. She told me he told her I should take all the time I needed, and that he looked very concerned. We found a quiet and sort of secluded area to talk and she gave me the support I desperately needed and wasn't getting from the guy who supposedly loved me.

I went back to my desk and thought I would be okay to finish up something pressing on my desk and then head home. But I still couldn't quiet hold back the tears, so I had to email Michael to tell him my plan. He came by and told me to not worry about the work, to just go home. He even asked if he could call me a cab.

Joanna came downstairs to wait with me outside for my mom to pick me up. As we stood out there, a compact-size car drove by with a funny looking apparatus strapped to the roof. It dawned on me that it was the Google Cam, taking panoramic shots for Google Maps. So one day, if I look for the parking lot of Good-Wooden Leg on Google Maps, I will probably see two figures standing on the steps, and know that those figures were Joanna and me on the day that I was dumped via an email. Honestly, this is the funniest part of the whole day.

I emailed some friends, anyone I could think of. The support that came in was heartwarming.

I won't comment here on what exactly happened except to say that I guess in the end, he felt he couldn't live up to my expectations, and I was struggling with living up to his. It kills me that he didn't think I was worth fighting for, that he just gave up and ran away, but from what I know of him, I can understand where that came from too.

I hurt. I really really hurt. But I know I'm going to be okay and this was for the best.

Funny too, I think back to when we first started going out and how people were telling me I deserved this, and that was a really powerful statement for me. Today, I felt the same comforting feeling as my friends told me, "you don't deserve this." I am so grateful for each and every person who answered my call for help today. Thank you for being there.