When I returned from my first weekend of a stand up paddle board rental I unpacked my clothes and decided the weather outside was too good to miss, so I left Mac on the table and let the blog story in my head fade away.
When I took Kristin on her first, post-transplant trip across the border and ran almost 11km, half in the rain, while she was still snoozing in the motel room I had good intentions of telling you all about it. I even made notes. But again, when I came home and unpacked, something else seemed to take priority.
When I went to the Roxette concert I thought for sure I had to chatter all about it. It was a concert I'd never thought I'd get to see and then became yet another dream come true moments. But still, Mac sat in the corner, accessed only briefly to check a recipe or email.
And last weekend, when I ran the 10k Terry Fox run, my very first running event ever, and finished with a time of 1 hour and 11 minutes, or, as it read on my watch, 1:11, I had full intentions of doing a post called I'm Number 1! and paying tribute to one of my favourite Canadian heroes, Terry Fox.
All those moments passed by like rushing water in a stream. I didn't take pictures or did but never downloaded them. My memory isn't very good, so I lament losing those fine details.
My SUP weekend was good, although I only got to use the board for a total of 45 minutes. The lake was wavy a lot and I wasn't comfortable with playing in the whitecaps. I fell off once when a baby wave got under my board at the wrong angle. The leash came off my leg, my sunglasses fell off and the paddle came out of my hand. I swam and grabbed everything--thank goodness--and then I was tired, so I beached it for the rest of the afternoon. That evening the lake was placid and delightfully warm, so I paddled back and forth across the bay, watching the sunset. It was enough to convince me I wanted to do it again next year.
One of the things I remember the most about the cross-border shopping trip was our late-night trip to Target. Our bodies were full and happy from a pasta dinner at Mama Maria's in E. Grand Forks. I was driving the red shopping cart and had stopped in the books section.I was bemoaning to Kristin that I had found too many good books because I had it in my head that I shouldn't be buying new books. I have boxes of used books at home to get through. Kristin took the books out of my hands and put them in the cart.
"Buy the books. They're good for you," she said.
"Like broccoli?"
"Exactly. Would you stop me from buying bags of broccoli?"
I succumbed to her logic and purchased Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed and another book that grabbed me because it took place in Hawaii. That night before I went to bed I read a chapter of Wild and a chapter from Tiny Beautiful Things and then I thanked Kristin for pushing me to buying my mental broccoli. The pages I'd consumed were delicious.
My running ability has improved dramatically. I am so pleased for myself. As I ran the Terry Fox run I thought about the girl I was in elementary school who struggled with completing the 1 mile fitness test endurance run. I never knew why I couldn't run or why my body didn't look like the bodies of the other girls in my class. I was running for my hero, Terry Fox, as much as I was running for that little girl. I pictured her smiling and cheering me on. She doesn't have to feel bad about herself anymore.
This next story could have a post of its own, but given that I don't know when I will get around to posting again I am going to lump it in with all the other catch up news. Last week a woman that I work with, who is about 10 years older than I am, got braces on her teeth. She has a long road ahead of her as she will wear her braces for a year and then get her jaw broken and then wear braces again for another six months or so. When I found out she was getting mouth jewelery installed, I quietly emailed her some tips and suggestions about who to see and things to check out before the big day. See, a little over 6 months ago I took the step I'd been working up to for all of my adult life and I got braces on my teeth. Woo. Exhale. I didn't tell anyone I'd done this except my mom--who I didn't tell so much as just shyly showed by pulling down my bottom lip--and Lisa, because it would impact our dinners together. My co-worker didn't actually clue in to the fact that I was also sporting the tin grin until she asked me how long I had had to wear them for.
"I've still got them," I said. "I've only had them for six months." I couldn't believe this was how I was coming out.
"WHAT?" the collective jaw of the office dropped. "Let me see!" So then I had to force my lips into a smile and show everyone what I thought were not-so-discreet white squares of ceramic and the silver wire wrapped around my bottom chompers. On the top teeth I splurged and got the Incognito braces which are placed behind the teeth, so I opened my mouth and tilted my head back to show off those.
"That's so cool!" My coworker said, which successfully flushed away any remaining bits of embarrassment about the things. Here I'd been pretending to have an allergy to curry instead of coming out and saying that I was avoiding it because it would turn my beautiful white elastics neon yellow and pretending like I couldn't eat their microwave popcorn because I was really really watching what I was eating.
So I guess all of that has made me brave enough now to just say it, once anyway. I'm still not going to make a big deal of it. In only 6 months it seems I've come a long way though. I never smiled for pictures. I kind of feel bummed that so many of my growing up moments were lost because I refused to have my picture taken or I just hate the picture that came out when I had no choice in the matter. I always felt like I was a smiley person on the inside but couldn't reflect that outwards. Tonight I told myself I would take a picture of myself smiling a real smile. Then I came home and changed into my pjs and totally forgot that I was going to do that. But before I washed my face and put on my glasses I grabbed my camera and went into the bathroom and took that picture. The most embarrassing part of this picture is not the arrangement of my pearly whites, but rather that I am in my pajamas and standing in my ugly bathroom, and that shift, well, kinda brings a tear to my eye.
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| I always wondered what I would look like if I smiled a real smile |
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