James McAvoy, Clueless Emma, Med School and Love

On Friday night my sister came over and we had a James McAvoy double header movie night--Becoming Jane and Penelope. My sister works shifts at the hospital as a respiratory therapist but she was off all weekend and her boyfriend was in Chicago for Lolapalooza. I was more than happy to be there for her to help pass some time.

When Tracy arrived I was on the computer. "Whatchya doing?" she asked.

"Finishing a blog post," I said.

"Do you ever write about me?"

I smiled. "Sometimes."

"What do you say?"

"Oh I just mention when we've gotten together and stuff." I couldn't actually remember the last time I mentioned her. The first post that was coming to mind was one that I did in 2006 on her birthday where I talked about our sisterly ESP joke. The next one was about when she came over on Valentine's day last year. It's one of my favourite posts but I'm not sure what she'd say about it.

For the second movie I made us buttery popcorn. We attacked a few of my stale fortune cookies (the cookies have gone soft, but the fortunes are still as ambiguous as ever) and she bugged me about cleaning out my fridge (she found some rather old orange juice in there...)

On Saturday night we got together again just to watch some episodes of Sex and the City. Tracy lamented about her dude not being able to phone or text her while he was away because he lost his cell phone a while back. Oh to be so in love.

She told me about her boyfriend's brother proposing in a restaurant a few weeks ago.

"Where would you want to be proposed to?" she asked.

"I don't know, I don't really think about it," I said. It's one of those things, like babies, that I just can't fathom at all until I actually have the person in place to fulfill the dream. "I used to want it to happen at a football game," I confessed.

Tracy scoffed. "I'd never want that." Well, to be perfectly honest I don't think I really want that anymore either. When I was 15, which is when I think I had this dream, I just liked the idea of a grand public declaration of love. I pictured it thinking, this man loves me and now 22,000 other people know that too. I guess now I'd look at that idea and say, people really should be so fortunate to witness such love. It doesn't come around every day you know.

During commercial breaks we also talked about her developing dream to go to med school. She's really getting serious thinking about it now. She told me about the costs and the requirements to get in. She just got her house last year and has another year left on her car payments. Aside from making a good 10 grand more than I do, she's in a similar situation. However, she also has this boy of hers who could move in and help pay the bills while she does her four years of study and four years of residency.

On Sunday afternoon we were talking about her plans some more while we sat poolside at our aunt's place.

"You're inspiring," I told her. I've been having serious doubts about this e-marketing program I have my eye on. It's the cost that really scares me. For med school Tracy figures she'd be looking at about $10,000 per year but of course she knows she's guaranteed to make back her debt quickly once she starts practicing.

"I'm scared," she said. "What if I don't make it in?"

Not make it in? In my mind, not even a possibility for my sister. She definitely has what it takes to do this. Hearing my smart and confident sibling admit to this fear was both surprising and comforting in a way. Even people like my sister get nervous about failing.

"Well, whatever happens, you'll get your answer." I told her. "If you do all the prep work, write the exam and go through the interview but don't get accepted, you'll know at the end if it's something you really do want to achieve and try for again, or if you're okay with continuing on doing what you're doing. You can't lose for trying."

I got kind of tickled thinking about us both going back to school, going for our dreams. If Tracy goes for it, why shouldn't I?

My sister is two years younger than I am, has a steady boyfriend she's know for four years, lives in a swankier part of town than I do, wears teeny bikinis to the beach and is thinking of applying to med school. Some days, yes, it is enough to make me want to bang my head against the wall. I also however remember staying up late at night with her to help her write essays on books I never read and papers on lung diseases I've never heard of. I love her to bits and pieces but maybe one day, just for a small moment in the sun, the pen will be mightier than the scalpel.

On Sunday night Tracy had pulled the New York Times crossword puzzle out of the paper. When she had given up on it I asked her to hand it to me. Right away I got two answers she didn't--Novel that the movie Clueless was based on was the downward clue and fictional character who lives in The Plaza was the across clue.

"You didn't know that Clueless was based on Emma?"

"No," she shrugged.

"And you've never heard of Eloise?" She shook her head. Somehow I don't think either of those questions will appear on an MCAT exam. They may however come up in a marketing class.

Tracy and I have always been close as sisters but this year I feel like we managed to get even closer which means so much to me. She has been there for me when I needed a hug and a Kleenex and she's even let me into her world a bit more which she used to keep locked up pretty tight. I think I touched upon it earlier this year, but it came to mind again this weekend that my relationship with my sister is really a good example of one of my most successful, loving relationships. Tracy and I are obviously very different. We don't always agree and we can get sick of each other. But we do love one another anyway, even now when mom and dad aren't there to tell us we have to. I think this is an interesting way to look at compatibility. Although it can make things feel easier, more comfortable and help keep conflict down, love isn't about loving the same things, the same music, the same food or even the same people. Maybe similarity can get you in the same room, but I think it's all that other stuff--respect, compassion, understanding, loyalty, along with a good helping of admiration and fascination, demonstrated over a significant period of time, that keeps you coming back to the same table. I have known Tracy for 25 years and I'm just now realizing the depth of my love for her. True love takes time.

In the hour of the setting sun and mosquitoes, outside on the backyard patio in St. Vital, Tracy, my aunt and her husband and I ended up working on the puzzle together. I had so much fun. Everyone had something to contribute from our varied pockets of trivial knowledge. It was a perfect summer Sunday in August.