A space case

I've been reading Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus to help me make sense of things and to help me feel better prepared for my next relationship. I think there is a lot of good stuff in there. One of the things it talks about is how women just need to talk out loud about their problems. Not because they are asking for a solution, but because it just helps them make sense of the problem and eventually work towards a conclusion. I think that's true, for me at least, and it's what I've been doing lately on this blog. I guess right now I'm talking more for myself than for my readers. Sorry, I don't mind if you shut me off for a bit until I've found something new to say.

It says guys on the other hand will go quiet or try to distract themselves with TV, sports, other activities, etc., until they feel they have reached a solution. They will seem withdrawn. Wow, I wish I had that clue before, maybe I wouldn't have panicked. Here are some other little tidbits from the book that really stood out for me (and if you agree or disagree with any of these, I'd be interested in hearing about that!):

It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.

A woman should not be judged for needing reassurance, just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.

The magic words to support a man are, "it's not your fault", I really appreciate you listening and if that sounds as if I am saying it's your fault that's not what I mean. It's not your fault.

Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.

When a woman is unhappy, a man may feel like a failure and may eventually feel like giving up on trying to fulfill her.

If we are not feeling loved, we become the opposite of who we are when we are wonderful and loving.

Direct appreciation of a man's decisions and actions, and forgiveness of his mistakes is the most direct route to his heart.

Yesterday I stated that my ex and I were not compatible and so our relationship was essentially doomed. I'd like to retract that. I was looking at some of my old posts yesterday and I kind of think we were compatible. In fact, with now painful irony I even said at one point, "I love him, he's a perfect fit". No, the only real problem we had was that we didn't know how to fight with each other. We just couldn't communicate and address our problems in a way where we both felt satisfied with the resolution. Well okay, that and the fact that he apparently fell out of love with me and had to leave. But essentially, if you can't talk, and if there is no love there, then yeah, you don't have a relationship any more. I can look at it from every angle and to every depth, but I believe that is the simple truth. I can be a better communicator, arm myself with personal insight and Mars/Venus knowledge, but I can't make a man talk, and I can't make him love me. Case closed.