A guy friend of mine just entered the possibility of a new relationship. I was talking to him last night about it. It was great to hear how excited he was about the girl and the prospects. He's a great guy (I only associate with high quality people) but it was interesting to hear that he too gets anxious and unsure about what to say or do. I usually only get the girl's side of this story.
I told him just to make sure he doesn't play games. He assured me that he wouldn't but then asked if I had any other advice. Off the top of my head I couldn't think of any, but since then I have compiled a list of dos and don'ts for him, or any guy out there.
Be a good flirt.
Be playful but kind.
Be thoughtful. It's all in the details.
Always be honest (with her and yourself) and respectful.
Remember that of all the things she could have been doing, all the people she could have been hanging with, she chose you -- imperfect, quirky and shy YOU. Always feel honoured by that.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. In the dating stage a girl will remember exactly everything you tell her. That includes every dumb joke and every sweet expression. Be careful of what you say because if you don't mean it, it will come back to haunt you both later.
Show interest by asking questions. Pick a few good ones from those e-mail quizzes everyone circulates.
Don't be afraid about feeling awkward. It's cute and endearing, and way more attractive than over-confidence.
If you decide it isn't what you wanted after all, be truthful. I read a quote today that said "The truth may hurt, but silence grows like a cancer". Every girl who gets jerked around by a guy will inevitably tell twelve other girls her dramatic and tearful story, resulting in 13 more bitter, guy hating women. Jerks really ruin things for the nice guys.
This doesn't really apply until later, but I wanted to throw it in there: I think many problems can be solved (or prevented even) with one of the following phrases:
- I still love/ like you just the way you are
- I missed you
- You don't have to worry
- You mean something to me (Note, when in doubt, use all of them)
That's all I can think of right now. I know they are pretty general rules and you probably already knew most of them anyway. Love is a funny game but you can learn a lot about yourself from it. Take risks because anything is worth doing in the name of love.
Good luck, buddy. You deserve it.
2 comments:
So, "don't play games" but "be a good flirt"? Sounds to me like a contradiction.
Aaaah! Girls are so confusing! I'll never understand!
Oh yeah, and the last quiz I filled out online told me I should be majoring in Philosophy. Whoops.
That's not the kind of quiz I meant. I mean the "30 questions to get to know your friends" kind of quiz.
When I was in high school I wanted to go into architecture. I did the career path exploration activities and they said I should either be a writer or work with my hands (I think architecture was a third option, which just goes to show how easy it is to skew the results of those tests according to what you really want to hear). I couldn't see a career in writing and I didn't think I'd make much of a living off of being a mechanic even though writing and cars were passions of mine. I had architecture in my head because well, I'll save that story for another time. At almost the last minute I realized I really had a thing for advertising so I applied to the appropriate program and now here I am. I was lucky and I am incredibly thankful that I found/stumbled into and took the path I did. A lot of people struggle with going for what they are good at or going for what they are passionate about.
Now if only I could combine writing with tire changing for Jeff Gordon...someday I will have an impact wrench to lay beside a blue pen :)
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