My life is a stereo

I drop my purse at the door and tell Rob to load me up. He promised me margaritas tonight. The past week had seen a lot of disappointment, frustration, and boredom. While the weekend before I spent soaking up the hot sun, today I was piling on the layers to try to shake off a chill. Fall showed up today. Even though I love almost everything about autumn, I'm never really ready to say goodbye to summer. I keep going for one last taste, smell, listen, but the harder I try to hold on, the more unsatisfied I become.

"You're so dramatic," my sister said to me today. I laughed and told her she was right. It's how I can see the story in something as mundane as a paperclip. It certainly makes life more interesting too. They say that everyone thinks their life should be made into a book. I never imagined my life as a novel, but more of a TV show. I think about this again as I sip the cold, foamy green beverage from my "Jilly" cup. I'd spice it up a little, but the characters are all there. You'd fall in love with them all.

Rob is playing one of his very good mix CDs. All it takes are the first few notes from Big Wreck's That Song to throw me into a state of nostalgia. It can take me right back to the summer of grade 11, singing along with Lindsay from the back seat of Rob's mom's Grand Am.

So I always get nostalgic with that song
But in my room it's forced
It has to be in some car across the street

And I always catch the back of
your head in a crowd
Just don't turn around
It's never you and you'll
ruin those memories

And those photos are great if I catch em with the
side of my eye
But if I stare
It just turns into you and me
We're just standin there

Chris, one of my oldest friends comes over and sits beside me. He's disappointed that I have not been blogging. "So what's up?" he asks. I don't get to see him very much anymore, but the conversastion still comes easy. I guess I haven't changed that much, he still knows what lights me up. The Foo Fighters keep coming up because we're both big fans although for surprisingly different reasons we discover.

Later, Rob, Chris and I walk across the bridge to meet the rest of the party at Dylan O'Connor's. I'm not excited about the destination as I know my all time most unfavouite band, the Dust Rhinos are playing there, but the journey is a nice one. It's Jill and the guys again, me in the middle, Rob to my left and Chris to my right. Our shadows on the sidewalk make a perfect V. I'm laughing, not really cold, and feeling like I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else

The Middle--Jimmy Eat World


I was avoiding reality for a while, trying on something else. I believe life is much more interesting and productive when you take ownership of it. Don't wait for something to happen, don't rely on fate. Fate is an opportunity and you get to decide what to do with it.

I found my way back, and I have a lot to say.