The very hungry caterpillar is still hungry

I had a one hour appointment today with a life coach. She was one of the coupons in the Lifestyles pass I picked up this month.

I had some time to kill before my appointment so I wandered into a couple of Exchange District shops. The first one was a hat place. I looked around at the merchandise, touched it, picked it up, checked the price tags and put it down. A few I thought were interesting enough to try on and check out in the mirror.

"The tag goes to the back," the storekeeper said when he saw me trying on a large wool lid that seemed to have ear flaps. Aware I was being watched I shyly glanced in the mirror and then put the hat back.

There were toques, caps, fedoras, hats with pom poms and hats with feathers. Pink ones, blue ones, black ones, plaid and solid. None of them seemed me though.

"On Wednesday he ate through three plums, but he was still hungry"

--The Very Hungry Caterpillar



I found my way to the coach's office. It was in an old building with winding hallways and uneven floors. Her space was a small room with a desk by the windows and table and chairs by the door.

"So what brought you here today?" she began by asking.

I took a deep breath and struggled to get out my first sentence. She followed up with more questions that led up to the ultimate one.

"So what would you do if you removed all the barriers? All the fears, all the need for approval?"

I have been thinking about this question a lot over the past few months. Last week I found myself in the bookstore and even picked up Life Coaching for Dummies and started working through it. I had an answer but suddenly I was shy to say it out loud. So I talked around it, pretended like I was still exploring options. I tried to feel out what her reaction might be. I was hoping she'd say what I was thinking, like it was her idea first and I could just give an enthusiastic nod and grin. But that's not really how coaching works. It's hard to open up completely to someone you've only just met. And I've read that it can take time to find the right coach for you, the one you'll feel comfortable with, who gets you.

The session was not a waste though. I did let my heart speak a little bit and I saw how fears have been holding me back. There is no making a wrong decision, and making a big change doesn't mean having to bind and gag all your fears so you can jump head first into your choice. The way she described her approach to change sounded like a metamorphosis, a process gradual enough that it doesn't hurt or feel scary.

I am proud of this place I am in right now. I got myself here, but I did it all with the security of the approval from my family and friends. I am ready to start doing things on my own esteem now. I have my own legs, my own voice, my own funds. Things may not go the way I plan, but I have to be okay with that and hopefully they will stick by me anyway because that's when I will need them the most.


"The next day was Sunday again. The caterpillar ate through one nice green leaf and after that he felt much better. Now, he wasn't hungry anymore and he wasn't a little caterpillar anymore."
--The Very Hungry Caterpillar