I want to be an everyday hero

I gave my mom a card on Mother's Day that said:

Momism #7
When life gives you lemons, you make lemon drops

(It had a picture of a lemon drop martini on the front.)

I have never turned to my mom as a confidant so much as I have in the last two months. I am incredibly thankful to have her there to listen to me and to comfort me. She has taught me so much. One of the things she's instilled in me early on is that life is what you make it. You can choose to be a victim of your lot in life or you can be a hero and find the opportunities even in the losses.

I've really gotten to know myself better in the past four months or so. I've seen my insecurities and fears and I've seen my strengths. I feel that acknowledging these things has made me stronger.

I've always had a hard time being around people who play the victim role too much. I find that these people complain a lot about the hand that life dealt them, but they don't do anything to try to change things. Instead, they look for people who will feed them a pablum of sympathy. They look for people who will essentially endorse the choices they are making by patting them on the head and saying, "poor you, it's not your fault. Life is so rough. I just don't understand why this always happens to you." Even though they seem to be miserable, these people don't change a thing. They just keep on doing the same thing and keep on asking for sympathy for something they are choosing (yes, there is always a choice). As Dr. Phil would say, I want to ask them, "how is that workin' for ya?"

I believe that you choose your life. Yes, sometimes it throws you a loss, but instead of stewing in self pity and surrounding myself with sympathizers, I take the losses as a chance for change. When I lost a job, I learned new skills while looking for the next one. When I was no longer happy with my job, I set out to find a new one. When I was tired of an activity I was doing, I stopped doing it.

I know it's easy to throw a pity party. I've thrown a few myself. Find yourself in a bad situation. Complain about it and wait for your sympathizers, the people who love and care about you, to show up. Some will sit with you for hours as you cry your eyes out about how life is so unfair. Hey, they may even join in with their own grievances. Isn't it so nice to have these people here with you who understand your pain? What you'll probably hardly notice though is the people who show up at your party but then leave early. Why do they leave early? Why can't they listen to you and support you? They're checking out because they've got another, much more interesting party to attend. It's the Great Opportunity Gala. It's the place where people are celebrating because they left their crummy job and started their own business, because they were diagnosed with cancer but rebuilt their relationship with a family member, because they were left at the altar but took the next year to travel Europe.

I want to be a guest at the Gala. I want to be in a place where people say, "wow Jill, that sounds awful, but look at you, you've done great since then. Way to go." I want to know other people I can say that to. I kind of think I will go there and one day find love.

I know I can't find love at a pity party. Not with the regulars, at least. I believe there is a difference between asking for sympathy at a pity party and asking for support at the Great Opportunity Gala. Asking someone to be sympathetic to your plight is asking for her to be sad with you. It's exhausting to be sad with someone on a regular basis. Asking someone for his support is admitting that you are going through something hard, but that you are working on changing that into something positive and you just need a bit of help to get there. You might need encouragement, compassion, understanding, patience, or maybe you just need cash! I can give support. I can rally behind a good cause and join the fight to something better. I cannot endlessly give sympathy though to someone who has no interest in finding opportunity. I cannot love that.

If you find yourself at a pity party, if you find that you are a regular host of one, I want you to know that life doesn't have to be like that. Life doesn't have to be about sucking on a lemon all the time. You probably have at least some great things going on in your life. How did you get them?

If you are a regular at a pity party and you'd like to get out, I'd be happy to take your hand and invite you to the Gala. I am sure I could show you a good time. But, if at the end of the night you want to go back to your old party, I'm going to have to decline. I've been a guest there before and I don't want to go back there for any length of time. I know what it does to me. I become an ugly person at those things and you won't want me around for very long. In fact, you'll probably get mad at or frustrated with me because I just won't play along. I can't be there for you while you choose destruction over positive change. It will break my heart, but if that's what you choose, I will choose to accept and walk away. I know you don't want me to ask you to change, even if I am asking you to do it for yourself.

I found this article on Playing the Victim. Take a read and see if you recognize what the author describes either in someone you care about or in yourself.

So when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.
--Mariah Carey, Hero

Ooh! I just noticed that today is 12-05-09. If you flip the month and the date it's December 5, 2009, my 28th birthday! Today suddenly seems luckier some how.