No more pity dates. I trust myself now. My intuition is pretty good. I should start listening to it. The tarot card lady told me that, but who needs a so-called spirit guide to tell you that only you truly know yourself best.
I met Daniel last week. He took the bus down to my neighbourhood to meet me at the coffee place a few blocks from my house. I drove because it was freakin' cold out.
I talked to him on the Monday and by Wednesday I was certain I had made a mistake. On Friday I picked up Elmo because my mom asked me to look after him for a night. My throat was a little sore and scratchy. Even Fate seemed to want me to back out. But I don't give up on anything that easily.
We met. I helped him pick out a latte. I had the chai tea which I stirred nervously to try to bring down the foam.
The conversation was awkward, a step or two above painful, if I may be dramatic. He kept looking everywhere but at me as he talked about his job and the sports teams he likes. He told me he liked my hair. It was shiny and soft looking and it suited me. There is a stat that says guys are more attracted to blondes. There's also one about guys preferring long hair.
After we finished our drinks he asked me, at least twice if I wanted another one. I politely declined both times. I mentioned Elmo, that I had to get home to see him. He seemed to understand.
Outside, I said it was good we finally met. I even said, "see you later" as if there would be some kind of follow-up. He barely said anything before hurrying across the street.
It was over. I survived. I went home and Elmo greeted me with his little paws on my legs. A happy ending.
On Saturday night I went to Rob's. He was having a few people over just because. We ended up playing Balderdash. I kick ass at Balderdash, except not as much as Rob did that night. It was a real good time.
When I got home I had a message on Facebook from Daniel. Apparently he had a really good time on Friday and would like to see me again. I smacked my hand to my forehead. I let the message sit for another day and then I wrote back. I could have ignored him, I could have "given him another chance". Instead, I told him straight up that while he seemed like a very nice guy, I just didn't feel we had enough in common to be any kind of match. It took him a while to agree, but he did eventually.
I felt much better. I tend to feel best without any prospects. I think I may have a slight fear of succeeding in the romance department. I want what I cannot have and I sabotage what I can have because I feel smothered and scared. It's not you, it's me. But I think I'll figure it out, eventually.
7 comments:
Good for you, and congratulations. The way I see it, you have succeeded in NOT SETTLING.
That's always the goal. And the way I see it, whether you're looking for a house, a job or love, it's all the same. You'll never forget the first one, it's important to find the right fit, don't fret about what other people will say or think (even though you do hope they will be happy for you) and yes, it is important not to settle.
Please do not take offence to this but, I think you have a lot to learn about relationships. It’s wonderful to be with someone that doesn’t have everything in common with you. It makes for better conversation and it complements the relationship. Believe me. I have been with the same person for almost a decade and we don’t have the same taste in music, TV programs, toothpaste, beverages, and even politics but it works. We both feel that we are better people having to compromise and listen more to each other. You might be surprised, OPPOSITES really do ATTRACT.
I won't take offense because I think you meant well, and trutfully my romantic relationship experience *is* limited. However, I do believe opposites can work (although, studies have shown that similarity is the best predictor for compatibility).
Vince is one of my very best friends and we have very little in common (it's our long standing joke to ask, "why are we friends again?"). I think we have some similar values and attitudes about life (not all though) and we genuinely are interested in what the other one is doing. I have always loved the idea of knowing someone or being with someone who is an expert in something I know nothing about. What it came down to though was that Daniel was not interested in me as a person. In fact, I intimidated him. I wouldn't have minded the differences or even if we flat out disagreed about somethings if I had sensed that there was a)an ability for us to communicate and "get" each other (part of having chemistry) and b)some similarities in values. He's a nice enough guy but could I see myself being good friends with him? Not really. So how can I date him? That's the sound of not settling.
Good on you for not ignoring him but instead being up front about the incompatibility. It's a dating jungle out there and simple courtesy is going the way of the sabretoothed tiger. Hope you get some good karma.
Congrats on not settling. Life is too short to be miserable.
Do keep a bit of room for fate to be creative with. The love of my life is not someone that I would have created in my wildest fantasies. If I had tried to envision him, I would have sold him dangerously short.
Not only that, but he's not what I imagined physically. Sure, he's a toe-curler, but not at all my "type".
Anonymous II, if you see this, you've completely filled out my "Recent Dialogue" column. Thanks for dropping by. Fate and I have had some good arguments. I try hard to ignore her sometimes. But you are right, she does seem to do things better than I could ever imagine them.
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