A date with destiny

I love the TV show The O.C. and watch it religiously. Surely you can appreciate how upset I am that it has been cancelled with the last episode to air at the end of this month. The story lines have been lacking lately but it appeals to me on a more personal level. Tonight's episode dealt with the idea of destiny. Summer visited a fortune teller who foresaw, among other things, a different future than what she wanted. The fortune teller's predictions started to come true, which made Summer wonder if she really had a future with her boyfriend.

This reminded me of the tarot card reading I received last September and one I received a few years back. The first time I had my cards read I was in my 3rd year of school. I asked where I would end up working. I was not impressed when the reader told me I would work in the health field. That couldn't be right, I wasn't going to school to be a doctor, nurse or therapist. That summer though I ended up working in the office of a personal care home where I was of course surrounded by health professionals. A bit of a stretch maybe, but interesting.

For the reading in September I decided to be bold and ask for a distinguishing characteristic of the man I would marry. I had to pick seven cards from a shuffled pile. Six of them would explain factors from my past and the last one would answer my question. The reader was pretty bang on about some details and about my character. In the end, the answer to my question was, "he will have dark hair and dark eyes and he is coming quickly". How exciting, although I really wasn't expecting I would meet The One for at least a year or so.

A few weeks later I went on a date with a guy with dark hair and eyes. (Quickly indeed!) My fortune was supposedly coming true, but something did not feel right and my heart was not in it. I told Mr. Destiny I couldn't see him anymore. I felt bad that it couldn't work out, especially when there were so many signs that seemed to say it should have.

Last year, even before The One Who Would Not Be, I thought I had intuitively seen a piece of my destiny. I was seeing the signs everywhere, so much so I started to scare myself. The supposed signs came in the form of a song on the radio, a picture, a book, a name, even an actual piece of signage on a building. I wanted to believe that if I didn't lose hope, that if I was patient, things would work out because all the signs were there. Things didn't quite go that way but I eventually, reluctantly, accepted reality.

I was talking with Vince this week about some advice a friend had given him. Don't look for the answer, she told him. When you stop looking, the answer will find you.

I agree with this wisdom but I find there's a catch to it. It always happens that when I stop looking, something wonderful and surprising presents itself, and then Destiny catches me looking and wags her finger at me. For a while I would yell back at her, "but it seems so perfect! Don't you see? How can something that feels so right be so terribly wrong? And if this is wrong, what on earth will right feel like?"

I can think of three big moments in my life where I think Destiny stepped in and put me on the right track (although I refuse to give her all the credit). These are the moments that still have me going, "I can't believe I was so lucky". So far they have all been career related:

1. Getting into the Creative Communication program when I thought I had totally blown the interview.
2. Getting my job at The Agency, which was the best first job I could ever ask for.
3. Getting my job at The Company, which saved me from a dead end job at DF (The Place Where Dreams Go to Die).

Now I wait for my next unbelievable moment. I try to look away whenever I see something that looks perfect because the supposed signs always leave me disappointed. Nevertheless, I try not to be completely faithless. I like to believe that the author of my story has a very good sense of humour. Even though I scowl and pout sometimes when things don't work out the way I want them to, I tell myself there's just something even more fabulous coming my way. (But honestly, couldn't you at least let me write a chapter or two? I have some really great ideas!)

I heard my song on the radio last night. For now, it is the only sign to which I will hang on and pay attention. Every time I hear the soothing strum of the acoustic guitar, the wistful whistler, and Axle Rose singing all we need is just a little patience... I take a deep breath, smile and say okay, I can wait a little longer. I know in the end it will be worth it (and it will be a really great story).