The end of a chapter

I've been thinking about this particular entry for a while now. I knew this day was coming although honestly I almost forgot about it today. January 14th, 2007 marks the first anniversary of the A Jill Story blog (I can't just say the first anniversary of A Jill Story, because that has been going on in some form or other for most of my life). Thus, I am presented with an opportunity now to reflect, celebrate, and possibly say good bye.

First, let me reflect. My first Jill Story was focused on my first attempt at Hip Hop class and how un-cool, un-coordinated, and unprepared I felt. I admitted to the world (which only consisted of Rob, and then Vince at that time) that I was really a dork, a rather ungraceful one at that who couldn't even find the right shoes to wear. This post really set the tone for the theme of my blog. I wanted to tell stories about my life experiences without hiding my insecurities or awkwardness. Certainly I believe that I am a confident and talented person, but how boring is that? I am sure that if I had used my blog only to celebrate successes I would have lost interest after a month. Real, messy and stupid moments just make for better stories. Period.

Okay, now let us celebrate. A toast to a great year! 2006 was awesome and I am so happy that I captured many of the highlights in a way that was easy to share with my friends. I see how I grew as a person by using my blog to reflect upon life and think critically about myself. I also believe I grew as a writer. In order to improve at something you have to be dedicated to practicing it. Before blogging I was not very disciplined at writing on a regular basis. I kept a journal and still do, but hey, when your audience is only yourself, it's pretty easy to slack off. I also always struggled with the idea of sharing my work with other people. I used to be very critical of my writing voice. Today, I feel better about letting someone else read something I created and I feel more confident about my voice.

And now for a good-bye? I know it is obvious how much I enjoy blogging. AJS is important to me as a writer and as a person who feels she has only started to truly experience life. Blogging has also become a point of frustration in the last few months though as I realize its downfalls. I write about my life story, but my experiences involve a lot of other people. There are a lot of things I wanted to say on this blog but I didn't because it really was not appropriate to do so. Blogging has some therapeutic properties for me so imagine how frustrating it would feel sometimes when I wanted to express something but I felt that I couldn't out of respect of the privacy of others. I also worried that without safely knowing who reads my posts I could end up saying something that offends or hurts someone I care about. I know my stories are biased towards my views so I don't really feel it is fair to present someone in a light shaded by my own wild emotions. Still, I feel that my story has some rather large holes in it and that it is flawed by these omissions.

On the other hand, there are just some people who I wish did not read my blog. I get kind of possessive about it I guess and there are some people I don't want to share my life with. Call me selfish and immature but I'd just like to shut some people out.

Why does this mean good-bye? I realize that the more personal experiences I have, the less I will be able to share. I fear that soon my blog will be reduced to stories such as, "I found a purple paperclip at work today" and therefore lose all relevancy (when I confessed this to Vince last week he responded, "WHAT?! They make purple paperclips?!! Which I took to be his own way of kindly telling me that my posts will always be relevant). I guess I will always have something to say on the topic of "guess what stupid or adventurous thing I did this weekend" but those stories are such small pieces of who I am that I am growing a bit tired of placing such importance on them.

So what do I do? I know I'm getting pretty close to breaking some great stories. I'm sure 2007 will be another banner year full of blogging potential. At the same time I know that it will be full of unbloggable experiences too. I'm going to take some time to think it over some more. If I come back you know where to find me.