Censor beep!

My blogging has slowed down a fair bit. I feel bad. I know there are people who check in on me and I wish I had something new to tell them. There is a story I really really want to tell, but I don't think I should. Not yet. But do me a favour and think nice, warm fuzzy thoughts for me. The pay off is that hopefully I'll get to tell you a really great story.

This is not at all related to the really great story, but it is a story nevertheless. Last night I woke up and I heard a noise. It was a beep. My first thought was, did the power go out and microwave beeped when it came back on? No, if the power went off I would've heard my stereo shuffle through the CDs. A few minutes passed and I heard the beep again. My next thought was, it must be my cell phone dying. Knowing it would continue to beep intermittently throughout its long and insufferable death, I decided to get up and plug it in. Now, I am a morning person, but I am not a 3:30-in-the-morning person. If I have to get up in the middle of the night I have all the stability of a Main Street drunk. So I stumbled into the kitchen, tried to remember which bag I had left the phone in, found it, plugged it in, and went back to bed.

"Beep!"

Evidently, the phone was not the problem.

My next deduction was that one of the smoke detectors was dying and I'd have to go pull the batteries out. The beep didn't sound close so I'd have to go to the basement. I took the stairs slowly but still managed to miss the last one and bounced into the wall.

I certainly did not want to turn on a light. Fortunately, there was enough coming from the windows that I found my way. I stood under the detector and waited for the beep of confirmation. While waiting, I noticed the light casted a shadow on the wall from the water meter that looked like a four foot tall Incredible Hulk. Weird.

"Beep!"

The beep was not coming from the smoke detector, it was definitely from upstairs! Back up I went to stand under the detector in the hall. I really was hoping it would not be the source, because it would require the use of a ladder and I just couldn't see that going well.

"Beep!", then, "Electronic Chime!" It was my cell phone after all! I didn't plug it in right the first time. Awesome. The mystery solved, I went back to bed and dreamed of four foot tall green men chasing and beeping at me. I don't think I should get the nachos at Carlos and Murphy's again for a while.

I hate you. You're perfect

I saw 27 Dresses tonight with Lisa. I was pleasantly surprised and found it quite enjoyable. It had one of my favourite romantic story lines--the love/hate relationship. I have loved this story since I was 12 and watched The Cutting Edge for the first time (it was also the movie that convinced me tequila shots were clearly the funnest way to get drunk. When I finally did try one I wondered why anyone would want to drink hairspray). Other treasured movies of the same genre include Beauty and the Beast, Dirty Dancing, 10 Things I Hate about You, Pride and Prejudice, and, for one awesome scene, The Princess Bride.

Man in black: He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said please, please, I need to live. It was the please that caught my memory. I asked what was so important for him; 'True love' he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness...I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.

Buttercup: And what am I?

Man in black: Faithfulness he talked of, madam, your enduring faithfulness! Now tell me truly, when you found out he was gone did you get engaged to your prince that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?

Buttercup: You mocked me once! Never do it again! I died that day!

Buttercup: [pushing him down the hillside] You can die too, for all I care

Man in black: As.......you.....wish.......

(It's perfectly Jack and Jill-ish, isn't it?)

The idea has been done so many times, yet how often do you actually hear of two people getting together that way? Love is supposed to happen in the company of compatibility, similarity, and shared interests. Like all those happy couples on the eharmony commercials.

I was talking to Vince the other day and telling him I was getting bored with the online dating site (I never did hear any more from Mr. Blue Eyes, by the way). He suggested I add more information to my profile. Now I'm wondering if there is a way I can attract a guy I would initially hate but then, after getting loaded on tequila, would grow to love. What would the anti-Jill look like?

I am an optimist who sees the good in everyone. He would be a cynic who trusts no one.

I'm a little bit rock n' roll. He would be country, or worse, folk.

I have a good paying, sensible, steady, corporate job. He would be living pay cheque to pay cheque doing work I probably don't want to know about.

Bah, I don't care. Just make him look like James Marsden and I'll make it work.

Call me crazy

On Friday I read in the paper that, "a study has found that when people are feeling socially isolated, they attribute human characteristics to their pets, or even to electronic gadgets". The article offered the relationship between Tom Hanks' character and Wilson, the volley ball in Castaway as an example.

Today marks the second anniversary of the day I drove Truck home. To honor the special day I picked up my sister and we went through the McDonald's drive-thru for raspberry pies. On Friday I also treated my shiny metal friend to a wash.

"In the first, volunteers completed a survey about four gadgets, including Clocky, a wheeled alarm clock that "runs away" when you try to turn it off, and Pillow Mate, a pillow that can be programmed to give "hugs." They also completed a loneliness questionnaire.

Lonely people were more likely to assign the gadgets humanlike traits such as having "a mind of its own," the researchers found."

The defense rests her case.

Hey Wilson, pass me the ketchup! Loneliness can lead people to humanize pets and objects. Shannon Proudfoot, The Winnipeg Free Press. January 25, 2008

Super Sunday

Another fabulous day. Here are the ingredients:

1. Sleep in
2. Eat leftover ham and pineapple pizza from Casa Grande for breakfast
3. Pilates class that is not too hard, not too easy
4. Sunshine. Lots of sunshine and -5 temps
5. Drive to the mall and even dare to roll the window down a bit. Mix well with good music.
   
6. Shop like I don't have a mortgage
7. Garnish with a new pair of boots

Shoegal steps out

It is 1:33 am on Saturday*. I just got home from meeting Mr. Blue Eyes. I had been thinking about the meeting a lot during the week going between fits of nervousness and excitement. By Friday I was ready for anything.

I wore my black, long sleeve-off-the-right-shoulder top with dark wash Guess jeans and round-toe black boots. I decided it might be nice to give myself a manicure. Manicure was completely destroyed after wrestling with the straps of the special bra required for wearing an off the shoulder top. I removed all traces of nail polish and departed.

Mr. Blue Eyes was there first. When I arrived I looked forward and thought I saw him, but wasn't sure. Then I looked to my right and he was walking towards me. I was glad I was wrong with the first guess. Blue Eyes is tall, but I knew that. His profile said he was 6'5. I do not encounter many people an entire foot taller than I am, so before the meeting I held a ruler to the top of my head and tried to imagine what this would look like. It looked very high.

Shortly after we sat down, three girls he knew walked up to say hi. He told me they were just trying to embarrass him, because he usually does it to them. I felt like I was being sized up. I tried to sit taller.

We ordered the nachos and drinks. I stuck with regular iced tea because I didn't want to end up sleepy or overly chatty. He went with beer. He seemed nervous, which made me relax a little. He was cute and agreeable. Very open and frank.

The conversation was sporadic but not painfully awkward. I was surprised at the number of interests we had in common, but I was getting frustrated with myself because I couldn't seem to remember details to anything--basic stories, favourite movies, books. Everything seemed to come out flat or anti-climatic. Further complicating things was the fact that it was so loud in there it was hard to hear and I started to lose my voice. I had switched to water and was sucking up the melting ice cubes to try to soothe my throat.

By one we were both tired. Magically, the waitress reappeared and left us the bill.

Outside, I deeply inhaled the cold air and we walked toward his car first. He offered to drive me to my car, and so for the third time in my life I accepted a ride from a person I barely knew and lived to tell about it. I am sure there cannot be a fourth time.

The car ride was my favourite part of the night. Finally, it was quiet, and some how I didn't feel like I had to say something interesting or funny. I relaxed completely and I think he did too.

He plugged in his iPod and searched for this funny song to play for me. I'm not sure what made him pick the song, but I thought it was kind of nice he had a soundtrack in mind for the end of the night.

I had parked about four blocks away (I always manage to find the farthest possible parking spot).

He pulled right up to Truck and put the car in park. He offered his hand and said, "thank you" and then he asked for a hug. I said, "sure," because it seemed appropriate, but I think he thought I was agreeing to be polite.

Neither one of us said, "see you later" or anything to suggest that we'd see each other again, so I'm not really sure what will happen.

I came home, changed out of my pretty clothes and into my pjs, and started up Mac, knowing that Vince and Rob, and you guys too, would be waiting for the story.

I realize now that online dating is kind of like setting up your own blind date. It's asking a lot to put together two people who have never met before and hope that they can find some way to connect and capture one another's interest. Then again, attraction can take a while to develop the old fashioned way too.

Imagine instead that the cute singles had met while out with a group of mutual friends. They might have been surprised and intrigued by the new face at the table. After deciding that the new person seems to be friendly and quick with a good comeback, maybe they start stealing glances or trying to engage one another in a one-on-one conversation. And maybe, if the personalities were agreeable, a spark would fly, and the two people would go home with a secret smile and the hope that they will meet again soon.

Maybe next time I'll bring my friends.

*Note that I edited and added to this post a few times after publishing it.